Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jun 3, 2018
People are so good. In church they don't let me sit alone. When they see me they ask "How are you doing?" I feel the love and compassion in that question as they genuinely listen to my response. But, I struggle to know what to say. So, often I say, "As well as one could hope in my situation" which I suppose is kind of a non-answer. How am I doing, when? now? when I get home? when I can't share that little Solvig soloed in church today? How I'm doing is very fluid, fine one moment and on the verge of tears the next.
Perhaps an alternative question might be easier to answer. Maybe if I were asked "what gives you hope?" I could give a more definitive answer. Then I would say, relationships; family and friends who stay in communication with me. But, maybe it is my responsibility to give direction to the conversation. When I'm asked "how are you doing?" I should respond "I don't know, but let me tell you what gives me hope..." Then I could say "people like you who care enough to ask how I'm doing, give me hope."
I'm in South Dakota so one of the first things I do is I visit Joanne's grave. Once, in the funeral process, I wondered if we were doing the right thing burying her here. Now it feels right and I can easily stop at the cemetery when I am here. But leaving her doesn't seem any easier...the presence of that abscence.........
Blessings,
Al
Perhaps an alternative question might be easier to answer. Maybe if I were asked "what gives you hope?" I could give a more definitive answer. Then I would say, relationships; family and friends who stay in communication with me. But, maybe it is my responsibility to give direction to the conversation. When I'm asked "how are you doing?" I should respond "I don't know, but let me tell you what gives me hope..." Then I could say "people like you who care enough to ask how I'm doing, give me hope."
I'm in South Dakota so one of the first things I do is I visit Joanne's grave. Once, in the funeral process, I wondered if we were doing the right thing burying her here. Now it feels right and I can easily stop at the cemetery when I am here. But leaving her doesn't seem any easier...the presence of that abscence.........
Blessings,
Al
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