Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jun 13, 2018
Many years ago Joanne and I went to the same barber, Tammy Cook, at Fantasia, in Golden Valley. We both enjoyed conversations with Tammy as she cut our hair. Over several years we learned much about each other and listened to her grief when her father died.
Shortly after her father's death she told me that her mother was having a very rough time. Then she asked me "How long do you think it will take for her to recover?" I replied, "Give her a year, and then see how she's doing." Tammy stopped cutting stepped in front of me, looked me in the eye and said "A year! I thought you'd say 'two weeks.'"
Before Joanne died I knew much more about grief than I do today. Was I correct, "give her a year?" WOW. It's been two months now, do I really have ten more to go before I'll know how I'm doing? My answer to the question "How are you doing?" has changed. I now say "day by day." I don't know what it means but it seems to satisfy the inquisitor.
Some ask "how are you doing" and others don't. Answering properly is a challenge, but not being asked doesn't always feel good either. People are talking less about her to me now and that makes me sad. Perhaps I'm just hard to please.
There is more to the story of Tammy Cook. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and, in spite of all the treatments, she died in a period of months. At death she was about thirty and had a husband and a five year old son. She belonged to a Russian Orthodox Church and her funeral was there. At her request I did the eulogy. It was a beautiful service with the traditional acapella music. The priest had two instructions for me. 1. My eulogy would be after the conclusion of the service, and, 2. I was not to say anything theological. Unfortunately, not even Joanne, loyal people connector she, was not able to maintain contact with Tammy's family. Her son would be about 30 years old now.
Blessings,
Al
Shortly after her father's death she told me that her mother was having a very rough time. Then she asked me "How long do you think it will take for her to recover?" I replied, "Give her a year, and then see how she's doing." Tammy stopped cutting stepped in front of me, looked me in the eye and said "A year! I thought you'd say 'two weeks.'"
Before Joanne died I knew much more about grief than I do today. Was I correct, "give her a year?" WOW. It's been two months now, do I really have ten more to go before I'll know how I'm doing? My answer to the question "How are you doing?" has changed. I now say "day by day." I don't know what it means but it seems to satisfy the inquisitor.
Some ask "how are you doing" and others don't. Answering properly is a challenge, but not being asked doesn't always feel good either. People are talking less about her to me now and that makes me sad. Perhaps I'm just hard to please.
There is more to the story of Tammy Cook. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and, in spite of all the treatments, she died in a period of months. At death she was about thirty and had a husband and a five year old son. She belonged to a Russian Orthodox Church and her funeral was there. At her request I did the eulogy. It was a beautiful service with the traditional acapella music. The priest had two instructions for me. 1. My eulogy would be after the conclusion of the service, and, 2. I was not to say anything theological. Unfortunately, not even Joanne, loyal people connector she, was not able to maintain contact with Tammy's family. Her son would be about 30 years old now.
Blessings,
Al
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