Dispatches: December 2018

Monday, December 31, 2018

12/31/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

A quote from poet Mary Oliver, closed a Christmas letter from a friend.
"Tell me, what is it you plan do
With your one wild and precious life?"

Reading that, my mind shot immediately to Rollie Martinson's new book, Elder's Rising: The Promise and Peril of Aging, Roland D. Martinson, 2018, Fortress Press. Rollie interviewed 53, people between the ages of 62, and 97, and incorporates much research on ageing, in this very readable book. Mark Hanson is quoted on the cover "What a helpful book! Whether you or or someone you love is navigating the transitions, losses, sorrows of aging, these stories of fifty-three elders will encourage you to connect with others, claim your gifts and power, live your faith, grieve your losses, and mobilize your congregation."
Those of us who are fortunate to be blessed with longevity might ask with Mary Oliver, "Tell...what is it I plan to do With the rest of my one wild and precious life?" Martinson includes many inspirational stories of the creative uses some elders find for their later years.
There are many gifts of elder-hood, perspective, wisdom, and, for some, leisure time. Many are not so fortunate and old age is defined primarily by loss. Yet, the question remains; as we are able, ..."What is it we plan to do with our one wild and precious life?"...limited as it may by circumstances and time?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Blessings,

Al

Sunday, December 30, 2018

12/30/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Is it true that, "Memory is the enemy of wonder, which abides nowhere else but in the present. This is why, unless you are child, wonder depends on forgetting--on a process, that is of subtraction." L once remarked to me that "nostalgia is a cheap emotion" and I've pondered that for years. Are these assertions related?
The quote about memory comes from The Botany of Desire: A Plant's Eye View of the World, p. 268, Michael Pollan. Could the treasured memories in the land of grief, if held tightly, inhibit wonder in the now? Does health in the land of grief consist in the balance between memory and wonder? Does my spiritual director's wisdom in pointing out to me that, Joanne will always be with me, but in a new way, leave me open to wonder?
Memories have been very important to me in the land of grief. Often I've been reminded by others that Joanne will be with me in my memories. There seems much truth in this. There is also the truism that 'one cannot live in the past.' Does my future in the land of grief depend on forgetting, temporarily or permanently, to open my self to wonder, i.e., the present?
So much to ponder and any thoughts from readers will be appreciated.

Blessings,

Al

Saturday, December 29, 2018

12/29/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Life is lonely. To be a fully functioning, differentiated adult means one must take responsibility for oneself. One of my favorite statements is "We all make choices." Of course I sometimes use this judgmentally. But, it is true, we must make choices and when we do it's only right that we take responsibility for those choices. That's the crux of our loneliness. There is no one else to whom we can shift the responsibility. Fusion with another is a temptation but then we are not fully functional nor differentiated. So, we must stand alone.
Joanne's death is a stark reminder that as an adult I stand alone. So, what have I lost? I have lost one who loves me, who stood with me as I attempted be that fully functioning adult, who gave me wise consult, and forgave the times I went off track. The loss of her exacerbates my loneliness. Without her gifts I feel the weight of responsibility. It's not always fun to be an adult.
Yes, you're right, I'm feeling lonely tonight and the acute presence of absence.

Blessings,

Al

Friday, December 28, 2018

12/28/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 18 minutes ago

In about two weeks I'll leave for my 11th year of teaching school in Thailand. Joanne had a significant role in this teaching. When L went to work in Cambodia in the early '90s, I went to visit and got hooked on SE Asia. After I'd traveled there several times Joanne said, "If you're going to go there, do something worthwhile." That was the impetus for teaching.
Joanne made one trip while L was living in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. After some days in Cambodia, L arranged for one of her drivers to take the three of us to Vietnam. We walked across the border and caught a taxi to Saigon. We also flew to Hue and Hanoi. Joanne enjoyed the trip but had no interest in returning.
The Asia experience, therefore, has been largely my thing. Joanne and I would email daily and often talk on the phone. Preparing for traveling to Asia is familiar, yet, different. Preparation is an easy routine but yet it seems very different without Joanne standing by. The last few years she's spent most of time I was gone with a friend in Arizona. It's that presence of absence again, which will even by a reality in a place she seldom visited.

Blessings,

Al

Picture: The Thai school in which I teach.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

12/27/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 30 minutes ago

Excerpts from I Wait by Craig Moscetti

"....So, bring on the joy!
I can't be bothered with waiting
For a restaurant table,
My delivery order,
A bus or train,
A response to my email
Or my Starbucks mocha latte with extra foam.
I mean, 'Isn't there an app for that?
Ya know, the kind where someone else waits for me?'
(Side note: there is.)

"Yet, each time, in a blaze of excitement, I fire off, 'I can't wait!'
God quips back, 'Oh, yes you can!'
The ultimate, inconvenient reminder that
He doesn't accept any amount of waiting currency,
No matter how much I
Amassed and stored in my souls vault.

"....Life is, after all,
The ultimate game of waiting.
Awkward at times,
And filled with fear, and an unknown path ahead.
But outsource our waiting?

"Or
Step into it,
Greet the discomfort,
Gulp down the unknown,
Inhale the silence,
And dine with fear.

"It feeds and nourishes,
It prompts the hardest questions
Of our self.
Because in the stillness of waiting,
Away from our Facebook feed and shopping sprees,
Our non-stop phone alerts and Netflix binges,
Our overbooked days and restless nights,
We can hear our heart thump,
And sense the trickle of water
Between our toes.

"So,
We................wait,
We................wait."


    "Step into it,
Greet the discomfort,
Gulp down the unknown,
Inhale the silence,
And dine with fear."

I take this to be a poetic way of saying "If you can't get out of it, get into it." There is the lesson for life. Life happens to those who will engage!

Blessings,

Al

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

12/26/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

He was participating in an outdoor challenge experience that involved rappelling down a cliff. About half way down the cliff face he made the mistake of looking down and his natural fear of heights kicked in; he panicked. Frozen with fear he was unable to move. The instructor on the ground below called up to him, "Parker, if you can't get out of it, get into it." In response Parker continued his descent.
Parker Palmer wrote about his experience in one of his books to illustrate a point about engaging in life. While I wasn't conscious of "getting into it" exactly, that was the essence of the decision to involve the family in decorating. From there involvement with 'Christmas' naturally flowed and it has been a very meaningful experience.
It leaves me wondering, why I haven't been more completely involved in the past? Too many times I've opted for passive observation rather than full engagement. Joanne was so good at engagement. Will this lesson stick with me?
Stay tuned.

Blessings,

Al

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

12/25/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 18 minutes ago

Last night at L's for dinner one of the guests was J, whose sons live in Georgia and California, respectively. M, another guest lives in Georgia and her sons in Minneapolis and Houston. Where do my children live? South Minneapolis, about a mile apart, and 15 minutes from me! Yes, I'm blessed!
Dinner last night at L's, brunch and gift opening today and L's & M's, and tomorrow, Joanne's family invited to L's & M's...see why I'm grateful? In fact, I've never been more grateful that I am this year, even though the presence of absence is profound. It's a sad fact that it has taken a major blow for me to open my eyes to the grace that surrounds me. Late smart, I guess.
When the family came to help decorate the condo for Christmas it was a game changer. Until then I'd been fearing Christmas. L suggested the family's help in decorating. I wouldn't have thought of it, but their doing it that turned my attitude 180 degrees, from dread to anticipation. Of course the presence of absence has been real, yet I find myself more engaged in the season than I've ever been and much less likely to take my blessings for granted. Yes. I'm profoundly grateful!

Blessings,

al

Sunday, December 23, 2018

12/23/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 36 minutes ago

Recently I posted about some of the things I've done since, and because of, being alone. In response to that post a friend emailed me this quote.
"Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers gave birth to them, but....life obliges them to over and over again to give birth to themselves." Gabriel Garcia Marquez
This is true and its corollary is that we are co-creators of the universe we inhabit, for better or worse. While we are giving birth to our new selves we are either enhancing or damaging life. Joanne was such a gift to the world because as she was re-born she gave a preponderance of her energy to co-creating a better universe. The testimony reported in this space yesterday from Augustana University is one example that.
It was her experience on Augustana's Board of Regents that prepared her for future board work and for relating to boards as an executive in various positions. After Augustana she served on the governing boards of Luther Seminary, Ecumen, and Lutheran Social Service of Minnesota.
Would Joanne be surprised at my rebirth? I think she would, but I think she would also be pleased and that gives me comfort. Some simple decisions have had profound impacts. Inviting the family in to decorate my condo for Christmas transformed my attitude. Where once I was dreading the season I am now engaged with joy and satisfaction. Of course I will miss Joanne, I always do. But,after the condo was decorated I realize how important it is for me, as I enjoy my seasonal surroundings. When I was asked today "How are you?" I replied "learning." That surprised my interlocutor so I went on to explain about the steep learning curve in the land of grief, of which the decorating is one example.
So, I keep on keeping on.

Blessings,

Al

Picture: Joanne with three of her nieces.

Saturday, December 22, 2018

12/22/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Augustana University honored Joanne at the December 8, 2018 meeting of the Board of Trustees with a resolution of respect. (See attachment below.)
"WHEREAS, Joanne Negstad faithfully served Augustan University as a faculty member, a house mother at East Hall, the student activities director from 1962 to 1964, a member of the Board of Trustees from 1976 to 1983, dutifully served as a member of the Trustees Society from 1983 until the time of her death, and always held the University's bes interests close to he heart; and....
"WHEREAS, while an extraordinary individual in the life of Augustan University has left us, we will always remember Joanne and her remarkable leadership, unwavering commitment to the University, long-standing friendship and magnificent generosity with profound gratitude and deepest respect.
"BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED that the Board of Trustees of Augustan University gather together this 8th day of December, 218, to record its gratitude for the many gifts and services of our dear friend, Joanne Negstad, and expresses its deepest sorrow and sense of loss in her death; and
"BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that this resolution will become part of the offical minutes of the Board, with a copy presented to her beloved husband, Allan."
Signed by the Board Chairman.

It's all beautifully done, enclosed in a fancy folder similar to a diploma and accompanied by a personal, hand written letter from the president. It's well deserved and I'm grateful that she is remembered in this way.

Blessings,

Al

Friday, December 21, 2018

12/21/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 20 minutes ago

When Joanne entered hospice...thinking she had three or four months, not only 23 days...she had what she called "a bucket list of messages" she wanted to deliver before she died. All were completed. Her message to my family how much she had enjoyed being included and there was mutual admiration.
A pattern developed when we, or I singly, visit the "Little House On the Prairie," of gathering all who are available for dinner at a restaurant . Joanne thoroughly enjoyed those meals, connecting with her sisters-in-laws and other family members. When she wasn't present I'd call her afterward and report on the gathering and process the events of the day.
Tonight there were 10, at the table, with 3, home for the holidays. The ultimate extrovert, Joanne, would have been delighted. M gave loaves of her freshly backed cardamom bread, which Joanne loved. Three of my parents four children's families were represented. We all experienced the presence of absence, but it's good to be together.

Blessings,

Al

Thursday, December 20, 2018

12/20/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Ours was a commuter marriage, for a time, and she did all the commuting while she was President/CEO of Lutheran Social Services, South Dakota. At the beginning she suggested that perhaps I should retire and join her in Sioux Falls. That idea shipwrecked on the shoal of S. D. politics so I stayed put, working and living in Minnesota. Given my schedule of working weekends it wasn't practical for me do the driving, so drive she did, averaging 40,000 accident free miles a year. Many of those miles were crisscrossing the state as she raised 5.8 million dollars for Lutheran Social Services youth programs.
When she came home for weekends that meant over 500 miles of driving winter and summer. Today I drove that route from Minneapolis to Sioux Falls; #169 to Mankato, #60 to Worthington, and I-90 to Sioux Falls. While driving I was very conscious of the (ca.) 400, times Joanne drove it when she worked in S. D. The stretches of two lane highway with which she wrestled have been converted to four lanes now...no two lane road left on that route. The ache in my heart was exacerbated by a powerful wish to tell her about this road improvement. The least Minnesota could do is name the route, "The Joanne Negstad Memorial Highway."
At a funeral home in Sioux Falls for a visitation of a friend from our days in Mohall, the first person I saw was the consultant who with whom Joanne worked raising that 5.8 million. Both the death, and the chance encounter, are exactly the type of occurrences that I long to recount to her. So it goes in the land of grief.

Blessings,

Al

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

12/19/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 19 minutes ago

Follow the Mississippi River south from the vantage point of a low flying airplane. There are twists and turns, the wide Lake Pepin, through the Quad Cities it flows west and gains breadth as it proceeds south. Near St. Louis the Missouri River snakes in from the west and joins the Mississippi. The Missouri River water is noticeably brown carrying silt all the way from Montana and points closer. For miles after their meeting the brown Missouri River water hugs the west bank clearly demarcated from the Mississippi water from farther north.
Living life in the land of grief is a bit like the Mississippi after it is joined by the Missouri. There is a major stream of my life that seems normal. It is filled with routine, meaningful activities, valuable relationships and many of the little joys of life. Parallel to this major stream is another darker one in which the presence of absence is real. It manifests itself in little reminders of Joanne, in the stories I'd like to share, in memories of what we did or what we said.
With Joanne life was very gifted and now I'm learning that life without Joanne, sad as it is, also provides much for which to be thankful. So, Yes, I am grateful.

Blessings,

Al

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

20/18/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 29 minutes ago

Karen Blixen wrote "Any grief can be bourne if you tell a story about it." This has been my experience and why I keep adding to these pages. But, why does it help one's grief to tell a story about it? While knowing it to be true, perhaps Sarah Miles has the answer to why it is so.
T loves quotes and it was he that gave me last night's quote regarding darkness 'tomb or womb.' T also provided me with this quote from Sarah Miles which explains the 'how' of what Karen Blixen wrote. In her book Jesus Freak, Sarah writes "The death of a beloved is an event that rings and rings through life: bearing it is not a problem to be solved, but a long, slow piece of music to listen to. And mourning, like music, is best listened to with others."
In this land of grief I've been buoyed, carried, encouraged, supported, comforted...by family and friends. Through my writings we've together listened to the music of bereavement, so I have not been alone! Both in person, and through the vehicle of this blog site I've had companionship, and therefore I have not lost hope!
Tonight a friend asked "Have you crossed a threshold?" by which he meant "Have you turned a corner?" It seems I have. In the metaphors of yesterday and today: I have recognized that the darkness is of a womb and am now I'm into the second movement of the symphony.
You, dear reader, have listened with me and helped to facilitate this rebirth. Yes, I am blessed and I am grateful.

Blessings,

Al

Monday, December 17, 2018

12/17/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 22 minutes ago

In quiet moments through this day the insight of yesterday, regarding what I've become in the absence of Joanne, has been rolling around the corners of my mind. Reflecting on the things I've done because Joanne is not here was an eye opener for me. At dinner tonight with dear friends this quote from Valarie Kaur was shared, "What if this darkness is not the darkness of the tomb, but the darkness of the womb?"
There is a way in which the darkness of my grief has also generated new life; see yesterday's post. This 'tomb vs womb' too, will bear further reflection. Out of death comes life? Yes, I guess, but what are all the implications? Given a choice I'd just take Joanne back and gladly relinquish the new. However, that's not a choice is it? With the reality of Joanne's death and the pain that comes with that, where do the new beginnings fit?
Yes friends, a mind in turmoil. Yet, there are stirrings of hope and optimism. Stay tuned.

Blessings,

Al

Sunday, December 16, 2018

12/16/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

"Think about the new dimensions in your life since Joanne died?" Those may not be his exact words but that was the message. "You're like the widow, who discovers a whole new life after her husband dies." He's always perceptive and thoughtful and I have to admit he's on to something.
He referenced the dinner I recently hosted as a case in point. Of course I never would have done that were Joanne alive, nor have the family over to decorate, nor made the fall trip to Norway, nor had all those lunches and happy hours, nor bought tickets from Bangkok to Australia, nor.... Certainly there is much I've done and am doing now that I wasn't when Joanne was alive.
Is this the way one finds one's place in the land of grief? What does this mean? Obviously there were ways in which I was dependent on Joanne. With the extreme extrovert she was it was easy to let her lead. "You're not leaving her behind, she is with you in a new way"...so glad I'd heard this before it dawned on me how much I've changed over these months. Even so I have some temptation toward feeling guilt about the changes. Still, I'm confident that she would be pleased with the life I'm living. She worried I'd be an recluse.
More to think about. Any reflections from others are always welcome.

Blessings,

al

Saturday, December 15, 2018

12/15/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Joanne, where are you? Why did you leave me so soon? When my spiritual director said "You're not leaving Joanne behind, she's with you in a new way" it struck me immediately as something profound and, ever since she said it, I've been thinking about it.
Is that why I keep doing things that mattered to Joanne? Some of them are small things like, remembering to replace the toaster cover, always making my bed, folding the laundry, and keeping the condo clean and orderly. Is this a way in which she remains with me? Then there are the more important actions; staying in touch with friends, remembering birthdays, affirming the family, etc. Does Joanne 'live' through these actions and so continues with me?
Who am I now? A widower searching for his place in the land of grief? Joanne's life partner living out our mutual values? Perhaps is may seem nonsensical but I even wonder "Am I married? How are you with me now, Joanne?

Blessings,

Al

Friday, December 14, 2018

12/14/18 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 15 minutes ago

Today I was reading the obituary of a pastor and it was stated that "he married Faith Dahlen". Faith was someone Joanne often talked about but whom I never met. A text to her brother confirmed that Faith was a childhood friend of Joanne's. This is the second time recently that an obituary has brought up a name from Joanne's past that I recognized but didn't know personally.
These experiences illustrate the history which is lost when someone dies. While I was preparing for entertaining the other day I used serving utensils which, while familiar to me, I don't remember their back story. Now, there is no one to ask.
The loss of shared history is much of the source of grief in bereavement. Only with Joanne have I shared so much life. Without her there is no one with whom to reminisce who knows the story and can fill in details I have forgotten. This leaves a huge hole in my life.

Blessings,

Al

Thursday, December 13, 2018

12/13/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

"Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love...
It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; God doesn't fill it, but on the contrary,
God keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other,
even at the cost of pain.
The dearer and richer our memories, the more difficult the separation.
But gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy. The beauties of the past
are borne, not as a thorn in the flesh, but as a precious gift of themselves."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Well...I am grateful but I don't know that I've achieved 'tranquil joy'. Perhaps that comes later. Or, perhaps I need to focus with gratitude on the blessings over the years, that are contained in the memories. A litany of gratitude celebrating specific memories?
"helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other," What does this mean? Because the gap is not filled Joanne stays present to me in a way she would not were the gap filled? Does this relate to the presence of absence which is very much with me? Anyone out there who can help me with this?

Blessings,

Al

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

12/12/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 1 hour ago

Joanne is less on my mind these days and I find that unsettling, while at the same time, I know it is probably normal. When I do think of her the sadness is still present. Today, I was sharing with my spiritual director my discomfort at 'leaving Joanne behind.' She responded, "Joanne is just with you in a new way, you can't leave her behind."
When she said that I recognized a valuable perspective which, I suspect, will be of significant help in the land of grief. Perhaps my experience is a bit of survivors guilt. Why should I be allowed meaningful experiences that Joanne is not present to share? Is my current life some how disloyal to her? Thinking that she is with me, but in a new way, gives me hope.
It will take time and reflection to integrate this perspective. The learning curve in the land of grief has come as a bit of surprise to me. Yes, I know, naive of me. There is so much to think about and also much to learn. In the midst of the sadness I am grateful for so many and so much.

Blessings.

Al

Picture: Joanne's birthday dinner on Easter Sunday.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

9/11/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 9 minutes ago

Yes, we did it! The dinner was fun because the guests are fun and they love being together. They were ones who would never second guess any of my hosting faux pas. It was an awesome evening, so much like those at which Joanne presided. She would be pleased and perhaps surprised.
No one noticed but I am guilty of one serious omission. In honor of Joanne's mother, I planned to garnish the platter of chicken with parsley. Don't you suppose I forgot to get the parsley? We used to tease mother-in-law about her "precious parsley" for whom it was a must. Tonight my guests were far to polite to mention my error.
So, I'm glad I decorated for Christmas and the plan to invite guests is working as I hoped. Even in the land of grief life can be good. Sure do to miss her though.

Blessings,

Al

Monday, December 10, 2018

12/10/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 33 minutes ago

It is done and I am glad! All that early angst about decorating for Christmas or not, may have been helpful. It led to the creation of a plan that worked to perfection. Moving around the condo today I'm glad it is prepped for Advent/Christmas. Looking around me brings back memories of Christmases past but also of the fun yesterday when the decorating happened.
Part of the decision to decorate for the season also included a plan to invite people in so that the decorating is not only for me. Thus, I invited C & H last night for wine, cheese and conversation. Tomorrow night I have six guests coming for dinner. This will be a first for me but I had 50+ years of observing and helping Joanne, who was the hostess with the 'mostess'. Perhaps I learned a few things.
Of course there will be some rough spots in this holiday journey but I no longer dread it. Christmas can be celebrated in the land of grief and properly understood speaks to the pain of the presence of absence.

Blessings,

Al

Picture: Table set for company, only awaiting Christmas napkins.

Sunday, December 9, 2018

12/9/18 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 19 minutes ago

Having lived as many decades as I have there have been many experiences that have not lived up to their billing. Anticipating an event fills the heart with hope and expectation. The the event happens and one can sing along with Peggy Lee on her 1969 song, "Is That All There Is?" Ah...just another letdown in a life filled with them.
Then,in contrast, there was today. Accepting the offer of help decorating for Christmas turned, what could have been a maudlin trip in the land of grief, into a fun event. The granddaughters decorated the tree as quickly as I could unwrap the ornaments. Two adults, with artistic sense, took the lead in decorating the rooms. The decorating was quickly accomplished and my task of happily directing traffic was much more fun than moping over my grief at facing Christmas without Joanne. The event was topped off with a shared meal...I am so grateful.
The family had scarcely departed when my invited guests, C & H, came for wine and cheese. Yes, my plan was to decorate with help and then entertain. Even in the land of grief life can be good.

Blessings Al

Decorating pictures.

Friday, December 7, 2018

12/7/2018 Caring Bridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

It's the annual father-daughter hunting trip. Keen in our memory, is that last year Joanne came with us. She was still recovering from radiation treatment and never actually went hunting since a time or two before we were married. Once married she said "Now I don't have to do that any more." 😊 Last year's dinner with the extended family brought her joy...a big group at the Nunda Bar & Grill.
This year it's just the two of us and we check in at the cemetery where Joanne lies buried. What a difference a year makes. A year ago, shortly after she was declared cancer free we were optimistic that, with a bit more time for recovery from radiation, she would maintain her place with us for a long time. We even talked about what we'd do next year.
Next year is here and where are we? living in the land of grief. The presence of absence is our companion as we learn to live without "Mom"...Joanne.

Blessings,

Al

Thursday, December 6, 2018

12/6/2018 Caringbridge

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

For many years my hearing has been compromised. Its been at least eleven years that I've worn hearing aids. Joanne purchased hearing aids from Costco a couple of years before she died. A friend suggested I take her hearing aids to Costco to see if they could be re-programmed for me. Costco not only re-programmed them for me but did so without charge because they were still under warranty. These aids were a huge improvement over my obsolete ones which were ten years old.
Yet, I still had hearing problems. My Hmong students are very soft spoken. When they were reading I could usually hear well enough to understand. But, in conversation with them, much of what they said was unintelligible to me. It was so difficult that I wondered if I would need to discontinue volunteering.
In May I began a process with the Veteran's Administration, originally to see if I was eligible for VA hearing aids, which led to receiving new aids. With my new aids I can hear my students! WOW! What a gift! Finally I can have real dialogue with the students without asking them to repeat, or smiling and nodding as if I understood when I didn't.
Naturally there are others who will also benefit from my improved hearing. Were Joanne still alive I could probably understand what she says from her chair in the far corner as I enter the condo. These aids are synchronized with my phone so I hear telephone calls through them.

Blessings,

Al