Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — May 29, 2018
There is a theory of aging that says that we don't change much in old age, we just become more of what we have always been, i.e., more so. This is not a new theory to me. Several years ago I observed that when I was in the presence of an ungrateful person it took energy from me. Conversely, I noticed that grateful people were energizing. Furthermore, the attitude of gratitude had little to do with objective circumstances. Some of the most grateful people were those who lived in the most humble circumstances. Based on these observations I resolved to be more grateful.
Joanne, in her 23 days in hospice care exuded more gratitude than I'd ever experienced from anyone. It was, I think, her becoming "more so." She was always a person of grace and gratitude. Knowing clearly that she was dying, provoked no anger or bitterness about the unfairness of it. There were no tears of frustration about, why this was happening to her? Night after night she poured over the responses on Caring Bridge, read her letters and cards, and exulted in the love that was expressed. When she had delivered her "bucket list" of messages it was as if her mission was accomplished. Those messages were all positive...thank yous and expressions of appreciation.
Today, with friends I hadn't seen since her death, as I reviewed the circumstances of her last days, I was struck again about what a good death it was. There was minimal suffering, clarity of mind, time to say what she wanted said, opportunity to remain at home with her family and a quick and peaceful death.
So, filled with gratitude, I carry on the best I can surrounded by a host of friends who continue to offer immeasurable support.
Joanne, in her 23 days in hospice care exuded more gratitude than I'd ever experienced from anyone. It was, I think, her becoming "more so." She was always a person of grace and gratitude. Knowing clearly that she was dying, provoked no anger or bitterness about the unfairness of it. There were no tears of frustration about, why this was happening to her? Night after night she poured over the responses on Caring Bridge, read her letters and cards, and exulted in the love that was expressed. When she had delivered her "bucket list" of messages it was as if her mission was accomplished. Those messages were all positive...thank yous and expressions of appreciation.
Today, with friends I hadn't seen since her death, as I reviewed the circumstances of her last days, I was struck again about what a good death it was. There was minimal suffering, clarity of mind, time to say what she wanted said, opportunity to remain at home with her family and a quick and peaceful death.
So, filled with gratitude, I carry on the best I can surrounded by a host of friends who continue to offer immeasurable support.
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