A call out of the blue...

It was Memorial Day, 2 days after my return from KY, when Maxine called. "Wayne asked that you preside at his funeral," she said. Wayne & Maxine had moved to Rapid City, SD, in 1969. Since then we only saw each other when we happened to be home in Sinai at the same time.
In the late fifties I worked for them on the farm. The hard winter of '68-'69 convinced them a better life was to be found off the farm. They were very important to me in the years of transition from high school until I enlisted in the Marines in '59. But I never expected to be asked to preside at his funeral.
When I was working for them they had two children, four were born later, whom I didn't know. Jeannie, the oldest, died about 9 years ago. I flew to Rapid Thursday and the funeral was that afternoon. It was a blessing to sit with family for two hours telling Wayne stories reminding me of what a rare privilege it is to be a pastor. The funeral was at 2pm followed by refreshments. After that the whole family convened at Maxine's house for dinner and more conversation. It was one of those experiences where we picked up where we'd left off 50 years earlier but now it included more children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The obvious comfort and affection among the family members attested to good parenting and a healthy family. I was blessed by the experience.

Kentucky or bust!

Who would drive 1902 miles in two days for a tractor? Leaving that question aside, it was great to have as a companion a long time friend. L and I grew up on farms in the same neighborhood. We were classmates for the 8 years of country school and 4 years of high school. Two years out of high school we roomed together for a year while he worked and I went to college. After that we went out separate ways; he married and I to the USMC.
We've reconnected in the last couple of years to play golf. So, when I was looking for a traveling companion for a trip to KY to pick up a tractor, I called and invited L to go along. He said, "Yes" and even his wife's broken hand did not dissuade him from the trip.
There was much to talk about. The final hours of our trip were spent recalling who lived where in our home town, Sinai, SD. There were only about 130 people in town so that was quite doable. I've said it before on these pages; there is something special about long time friendships.
Oh, the tractor? It is a 1963 IHC 504 and I got it at Lebanon, KY. Neither of us had been to KY before.

A beautiful sight.......

We've (by brother-in-law Chris Trodahl & I) just returned from four days in SDak. The township board told me I had to clear all of the trees in the right of way, i.e., road ditch. Most of them were Cedar and many were entangled in the fence. Chris spent three days manning a chain saw as we worked to clear the right of way. Seeing my brother-in-law wielding a chain saw on my trees...what a beautiful sight.
Tomorrow I'm off to Kentucky on a tractor adventure.

If the bullet doesn't have your name on it....

Visiting with my spiritual director the other day I said, "If the bullet doesn't have your name on it get out of the way." She burst out laughing having never heard that before. Maybe that's because she's not a Marine. I don't know where I learned it but it's a worthwhile learning. More prosaically we ofter say, "don't borrow trouble." Jews, who often are very expressive, have a saying, "Only a fool picks up a passing dog by its ears."
These are three ways of expressing the same idea. I can remember a couple of instances in my ministry where I ignored that advice and, not only made things worse, paid a personal price for it. So, with that reflection, I'm off to SD to do some farming. Will my corn be ready for cultivation?

Blogging......

Blogging from home is much harder for me than when I'm abroad. It takes much more discipline to notice things in familiar territory. When I'm off in another country there are many things that catch my attention as new and different. One of my favorite travel books is, THE ART OF TRAVEL by Alain de Botton. In this book de Botton comments on the tendency of travelers to often want things to be like what they have at home. I've noticed that. I see Americans who want to socialize with other Americans when they are abroad. Not me. My anti-social side kicks in and I want to be with people of the land I'm visiting.
If you want to read a really good blog read Emily Foecke's report on her time in India. She just arrived. Her blog from Cambodia, I think it's still up at www.emilyincambodia.typepad.com, was a prize. You can read her new blog at www.emilyindehli.typepad.com

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly!

This adage about doing things badly came to mind yesterday when I was cleaning the oven. Great damage has been done to countless unsuspecting children when well meaning but misinformed parents drilled into them the idea that, "anything worth doing is worth doing well." This is the mantra of sanctified perfectionism and causes no end of hardship and trouble. Before you think I've gone off the deep end let me give you an illustration from my life.
It's not that I remember actually being taught that anything worth doing is worth doing well but I believed it. So, when I first went to do some painting, I didn't do very well. The shame of doing something badly was too much so I decided I'd never do that again. So, to this day, I've never become a painter. I was squelched by a perfection I could not achieve. Now, if someone would have taught me, "anything worth doing is worth doing badly" my first attempt at painting would not have been so traumatic. Who knows, maybe I would have been painting our house every few years.
Well...now I feel better.

Topic, functioning!

It's fascinating how people function in a relationship. Have you ever noticed the symmetry in personal relationships? Over functioners seem irresistibly attracted to under functioners and so to the other way. Then they marry and spend their life time driving each other nuts. Whose fault is it? Is it the under fuctioner who never quite seems to get around to doing a thing? Or is the over functioner who is always quick to action. The late Edwin Friedmann recommended to over functioners to "defect in place". By that he meant to stay in the relationship but just stop doing everything. One thing I know for sure; the only person I can change is myself. When I change my functioning while I stay in relationship while changing myself interesting things happen.

No radishes today.

Today we made our first trip of the season to Farmer's Market. I had my heart set on fresh radishes but I found none. Bedding plants, flowers and other plant able things predominated. All was not lost, however, because we found fresh parsnips which just might be my favorite vegetable. They are particularly sweet in the spring after wintering in the ground. More good things to come.

Caroline, or change The Musical

The Guthrie did themselves proud tonight with Tony Kushner's Caroline. Caroline is an African American maid working in the basement of a while home in Lake Charles, LA. The time is November 1963, after Kennedy's death. Caroline is a single mother with four children to raise on a maid's salary.
Change is all around but Caroline resists even though her reality is very bleak. Her best friends says to her: "I know it hurts to change. It actually hurts, learning something new, and when you're full grown, it's harder, that's true-it feel like your going to break yourself apart, it feel like your going to break your own heart, but folks do it. They do. Every day, all the time, Alone, afraid, folks like you. You got to let go of where you've been. Move on from the place you're in. Don't drown in that basement. Change or sink. Let go, forget, move on. This ain't time for prayin'. You got to think."

Sometimes it is good to be last.

Southwest Airlines does not assign seats. Passengers are lined up by the time they got their boarding pass. Savvy travelers go online at exactly 24 hours before departure when boarding passes become available. Then with a early boarding pass the board first and they get their choice of seats.
I flew Southwest home from Chicago yesterday. Because I had purchased a senior ticket online they would not let me print a boarding pass....they wanted me to prove I was actually a geezer. Consequently, I was the 2nd to last person to board which prompted some reflections.
Why do we get anxious about getting aboard a plane when we have a reserved seat? The flight from Minneapolis to Tokyo is 12 hours. Why get on the plane early? Isn't 12 hours in that miserable seat enough? I guess it is our old friend, anxiety. Maybe I won't find a place for my luggage. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe some one will get ahead of me.

SPELLING CORRECTION: Mai-Evy is properly spelled with a capital "E". My bad!

Mai-evy, week one.

Co-dependency writ large!

The book, THE GLASS CASTLE, a memoir by Jeannette Walls, fascinated and inspired me. It was the choice our neighborhood book club discussed tonight in our absence. Jeannette's father was an alcoholic of great but unused talent and her mother sort of opted out of life. It is a profound, real life story of co-dependency. If one wants a to understand co-dependency this is the book to read. It is a very gripping story that is hard to put down.
My work as grandpa is done for now so I'm heading home tomorrow. Joanne will follow later in the week, perhaps on Friday.

A blessed moment!

This is the day we met our granddaughter, Mai-evy. We took turns holding her as she slept, stretched, puckered, made chipmunk sounds and thoroughly enchanted us. With her birth weight of 6lbs 13oz she seems small though she has long legs, fingers and feet. Compared to our babies who were 8lbs 13oz and 10lbs she is a bit smaller. But, she is so perfectly cute and very content. Her days and nights are inverted.
Aunt Lisa had been on duty helping out until we arrived so she returned home and we get to play helpers for awhile. Grandparent duty is a blast and a great privilege. When I get home to my computer I'll have a bunch of photos to share. Mai-evy's parents gave us a photo album of her first week.
We are so profoundly grateful to her parents that they are taking such good care of her. They have educated themselves about the duties and opportunities of parents and are teaching us much. What gifts they are!