4/30/2019 Caring Bridge

April 30, 2019

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 19 minutes ago

"The terror of sickness and old age is not merely the terror of the losses one is forced to endure but also the terror of the isolation.  As People become aware of the finitude of their life, they do not ask for much.  They do not seek more riches.  They do not seek more power. They ask only to be permitted, insofar as possible, to keep shaping he story of their life in the world--to make choices and sustain connections to others according to their own priorities."  Atul Gawande, Being Mortal, pp 146-7.
   Having navigated a year in the land of grief I can see the truth of this statement by Gawande.  Even as my life is shaded by the sadness of the absence of presence,I have found meaning in the living out of my choices.  There is so much I'd love to tell Joanne about the people whom I see and the things I am doing.  But, I am grateful that I have the agency to choose and do so much of what I want.  It's not the same as if Joanne were by my side, but, still it is meaningful and satisfying.  In many ways connections to others have been enhanced this year for two reasons.  First, I can no longer ride Joanne's coattails and must rely on my own initiative, and, second, family and friends have intentionally been more attentive and active in reaching out to me.
   This is evidence for my repeated assertion: I am blessed!

Blessings,

Al

Picture: Joanne doing what she loved.

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4/29/2019 Caring Bridge

Soon Wise!

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 37 minutes ago

  A year ago during Joanne's hospice stay and through her death and funeral I took a leave of absence from volunteer teaching at Noble Academy.  When I returned to school my students greeted me with sympathy cards that they had made.  Today I was reading through those cards again.
  This is what Eric, grade five, wrote on his card.  "A family is like a body, when a family loses a loved one, it is as if they have lost one of their limbs."  Is that ever true!  Then I began wondering if Eric knows this from experience or from his elders?  Perhaps I will ask him tomorrow.
   A friends was wondering about a book dealing with end of life issues. There are many now.  Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matter in the End, Atul Gawande is the best one I know.  In the Epilogue Atul writes "We've been wrong about what our job is in medicine.  We think our job is to ensure health and survival. But really it is larger than that.  It is to enable well-being. And well being is about the reasons one wishes to be alive."  p. 259
   This is similar to a question I was asked recently by a long term friend who wondered "What do I most enjoy doing?"  The "most" made me stop and think, as did the "doing".  There is so much I enjoy but family and friends are clearly first if they can be considered "doing".  Teachiing is fun, as is pretending to be a farmer, traveling is great, I love to read, hunting during its season is good...but "most"???
    This reveals that, even in the land of grief, life is good and I am grateful.


Blessings,

Al

Picture: Joanne's last haircut...notice the hospital bed in the background.

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4/28/2019 Caring Bridge

Perspective

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

"If you are reading this then you are getting old.  Aging is one of the blessings of being alive, allotting us knowledge experience and wisdom.  Lines and wrinkles are not enemies, but rivers and mountains which dot the map of our life's journey.  Contrary to what some may think, getting old is not a curse, but a blessing; one that most people throughout history did not have the luxury of experiencing.  At the dawn of the 20th century, the average human life expectancy hovered close to fifty years.  Advances in medicine and technology, since that time, have increased that number to almost eighty years.  This does not change the fact that all of us will one day pass from this earth.  Death is the common denominator that unifies all living things."  Quoted from the Foreward, p. xxiii, in Life's Final Season: A Guide for Aging and Dying with Grace, Richard P. Holm, MD. 
    One of the effects of Joanne's death on me has been to increase the awareness of my own age.  Blessed with good health and abundant opportunity it has been easy to live in a form of denial about aging.  On the one hand, I do not want to forgo activities and experiences simply because of the year I was born.  Yet, on the other hand, being aware of my age makes me grateful that I can do so much of what I want at this a, i.e., I'm less likely to take my blessings for granted.  "So teach me to number my days that I may get a heart of wisdom."  Ps 90:12 RSV

Blessings,

Al

4/27/2019 Caring Bridge

Better lucky than...

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

There's an old golf adage used after someone's golf ball takes a lucky bounce; "It's better to be lucky than good."  Perhaps I should adopt that as my motto and put it on a coat of arms.  Consider that I met Joanne when she was 26, and single!  Back in the 60's that was unusual. She did receive a card for her 25th birthday, from a person whom I will not name, that said "A quarter of a century and not even married."   Was I ever lucky, or 'blessed' if you prefer, to connect with Joanne!
   This 'lucky adage' came to mind last night.  Wednesday, last, I was informed that 'no I did not have until May 15, to burn the CRP, as I thought, the deadline was April 30.'  Thursday afternoon I got the necessary paperwork at the USDA office in Brookings and learned that the official who could review my plans and give the OK would be in the office Friday morning.  A little, later in Sinai, the fire chief said he'd try to get a crew of the volunteer firemen together Friday evening to assist me with the burning. R. who'd stored a car in my garage for the winter drooped off the plans at the USDA office on his return to MN.  Friday I disced firebreaks by the tree plantings I wanted to protect.  Friday evening at 6:00 eight or nine firemen complete with two fire trucks and equipment came to assist me and the weather was perfect, only a slight breeze.  By 9:30 the burn was successfully completed.  Today (Saturday) I awakened in S.D. to 6+ inches of heavy wet snow and it was still snowing when I returned to MN.  It will be at least a week before it will again be dry enough to burn...well past the April 30, deadline.
   Lucky, or blessed, yes, that really is the story of my life...and so much of the blessing was in finding Joanne.

Blessings,

Al
Pictures:
  1. Come on, baby, light my fire.
  2. One fire line.
  3. Truck one, with Angel.
  4.  Deuce and a half, the pride of the volunteer fire department, courtesy of Homeland Security.
  5.  Burn baby burn...hot enough to create its own wind.

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4/26/2019 Caring Bridge

Playing With Fire

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 23 minutes ago

Joanne would likely say "O, Al," as she often did with my puns and other lame humor.  Seriously, this is about fire.  Some of my land is enrolled in the Conservation Reserve Program (CRP...not CPR).  It is a ten year contract with the government to take land out of production for three reasons: support crop prices, conserve water and soil, and benefit wildlife.  This land has been in CRP 5, years so the terms of the contract specify that some mid-term management be done and one option is to burn the dead grass.
    Burning is very helpful to the native grasses as it replicates the prairie fires which once were common.  It also inhibits invasive plants such as smooth brome grass and Canadian Thistle...it doesn't kill the thistle but it certainly annoys them.  😉  The reinvigorated native plants also compete more effectively with the invasives.
   The Sinai volunteer fire department has agreed to manage the burn.  Yes, they not only put out fires but they are the "go to" people for controlled burns.  Because it is an after work project for these volunteers the match will be struck late afternoon or early evening.  With rain and snow predicted for tonight it is now or never because the contract stipulates burning must be completed in April, i.e., before pheasants begin nesting.
    "Where there's smoke there's fire."  OK OK...it may be late before this hot project is finished therefore I'm posting early.


Blessings,

Al

4/25/2019 Caring Bridge

Joanne's Cemetery

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

It's Joanne's cemetery now and it was beautiful in the spring sunshine today.  Staying in "the Little House On The Prairie" I first stopped at the cemetery to be near her.  All is as I left it last fall but I'm so glad that I can visit regularly and more often now that winter has ended...or has it with snow predicted Saturday?  😟  Her chair sits quietly waiting in the house, a signal to me of the presence of absence.  She was so happy here and so clear that she wanted burial in "her" cemetery.  Would I have visited her grave as frequently were she buried in the Minneapolis/St. Paul metropolitan area?  That I don't know but I do know it is natural here to visit.  Several family members gathered for dinner tonight and in times past when she wasn't present for these gatherings I'd call her on the way back to the house.
   So goes life in the land of grief.

Blessings,

Al

Picture today of her marker in her cemetery.

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4/25/2019 Caring Bridge

Happy Birthday, M-E!

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

It is no surprise to regular readers that Joanne loved birthdays.  The length of time in the land of grief can be measured, in part, by Joanne's absence for the second time at M-E's birthday.  She is ten now.  Such events certainly do bring an acute sense of the presence of absence.  While I try to do the best I can with birthdays I just don't have the spark that Joanne did.  We ate out then went for ice cream...it was fun, special, the absence is becoming routine but sad.
    Grief touches grief.  Tim Fishers death makes me profoundly sad.  Tim; bright, articulate, compassionate, dedicated, funny, educated, sincere...his death is a terrible loss, especially for his wife, Christine, but also for all who knew him and even those who didn't.  Words fail...

Blessings,

Al

Joanne with Mai-Evy and Sella.

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4/23/2019 Caring Bridge

Small Mysteries

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 28 minutes ago

Several of us have long wondered about an "h" that appears at the end of our grandfather's, et. al., name.  There are many Bergs of various nationalities but how did our Norwegian fore-bearers have the name Bergh?   Tonight I was treated to a possible answer.  As a guest at the Humphrey School of Public Affairs, Public Leadership Awards banquet this evening my cousin alerted me to the presence of Kjell Bergh.  Kjell is distinguished and often mention in newspaper articles but we had never met.  Cousin, and I, introduced ourselves to Kjell and determined that we are likely related because, he too, traces his family to Eidsvold, Norway.
   Kjell told a story about the addition of "h" to the name.  He comes from a long line of seafarers.  A long time ago a relative applied for a shipboard position but was told that he couldn't be accepted because it was bad luck to take on a sailor who had a feminine names like his (something mountain, i.e, something berg) so he dropped the name of mountain and added "h" to Berg, i.e., Bergh.  
   It's the best explanation I've had, well actually, the only one I've ever had for, our little family mystery.  The Joanne connection? Well, she was friends with this cousin long  before Joanne and I met and Joanne was always interested in anything Norwegian so she would have loved this episode.  

Blessings,

Al 

So why didn't I take a picture of Kjell Bergh?

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4/22/2019 Caring Bridge

300 Times!

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 1 hour ago

 Tonight I was with a group of friends with whom I have a long relationship. One of them said that he follows my Caring Bridge posts and thinks that my posting has been significant in my recovery. He's a good friend, the essence of compassion. He told this story.  "After our daughter died we were in a grief group.  When the leader of the group said 'after you've told about the death of your loved one 300, times you will begin to believe it.'  I thought no, that can't be, but he was  correct.  That's why I think your blog has helped you."
    Yes, I have the best friends, in fact I've remarked in the past that "the best things about me are my friends."  Their willingness to walk with me in the land of grief has helped beyond measure.  
    With Joanne's death, which seems so untimely to me, I reflect with gratitude on the celebration of our 50th wedding anniversary in 2014.  It never occurred to me at the time that Joanne would die before our 55th.  With the leadership of our children, the aid of friends and the support of St. James Lutheran Church, it was a marvelous event.  As I teased Joanne, "with 300 of your closest friends.😁"  Now, living in the land of grief, I'm so glad Joanne was able to enjoy that celebration and of course I too enjoyed it.    It was very special that four friends came from Norway to help us celebrate; three men, one of whom was accompanied by his wife.  The three had attended college in America and Joanne's parental home was their home away from home.  They were often referred to as "Joanne's Norwegian brothers," two of whom I was able to visit in Norway last October. One of them, Stein, sang at our wedding and he sang the same song at our Golden Wedding Anniversary party!  
    This is one of the precious memories I carry.

Blessings,

Al

Pictured with Joanne are her sister, brother and the three Norwegian brothers: Stein, Berger and Einer.  2nd picture: Stein & Astir, Joanne and Berger.

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4/21/2019 Caring Bridge (Easter Sunday)

STORY

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Serendipity controls more of life than I often recognize. Consider this: at Easter dinner I unfolded the name/place card prepared by my granddaughters.  This was what was printed inside:
   "ALL THAT WE ARE IS STORY.  From the moment we are born to the time we continue on our spirit journey, we are involved in the creation of the story of our time here.  It is what we arrive with.  It is all we leave behind.  We are not the things we accumulate.  We are not the things we deem important.  We are story. All of us. What comes to matter then is the creation of the best possible story we can while we are here; you, me, us, together. When we can do that and we take the time to share those stories with each other, we get bigger inside, we see each other,, we recognize our kinship--we change the world, one story at a time..."  Richard Wagamese (October 14,l 1955 - March 10, 2017) Ojibwe from Wabaseemong Independence Nations, Canada.  Author of "Indian Horse," 2012, "Medicine Walk," 2014
   "ALL THAT WE ARE IS STORY."  My story, of late, has been life as I experience it in the land of grief.  Telling that story had been healing for me and it has found resonance with a 'great cloud of witnesses.'  Bonding; there has been bonding with those who read and tell me, and there seems to be other 'witnesses' I sense, who silently participate in my story.  Strength flows to me, from both those who articulate their presence. and those who anonymously travel with me.  Therefore, I am grateful for both the quiet ones and those who vocalize.
   If Wagamese is correct think how important it is to listen!  Does not story presume both teller and listener?  For, what is story if there is no one to hear?  Now, think of the impact of the 'great cloud of witnesses' that follow this blog.  While contemplation of all these listeners provokes humility it also fills my heart with gratitude.  Yes, I am blessed.

Blessings,

Al

4/20/2019 Caring Bridge

My church "home"

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

G, a wise widow at church told me "Often anticipating a difficult anniversary is worse than the anniversary itself."  This rings true to my experience.  Perhaps it is, at least in some measure, a result of the emotional preparation done in anticipation.  Having now passed through a number of significant anniversary dates I'm optimistic about my recovery.  Yes, much to the surprise of some, I have managed to live without adult supervision for a year. 😉 
    Truth be told, some of my recovery was a matter of luck.  It seemed logical, and a bit of self preservation so I didn't have to answer have to answer endless questions about Joanne's status, that I take over the Caring Bridge posting from Joanne.  Once I had started posting it just seemed natural to continue, so I did.  With numerous responses from readers I was led to continue.  So, when I read the "flames" posted last night from Jensen's booklet I thought "wow, write...honor the one who was lost," well, that's what I've been doing.  Was it intuition? instinct? blind luck?  Who knows...but it has been helpful to me.

    "Lamps On The Path, continued"   from Jensen's booklet

    "!3.  Take advantage of a religious affiliation.  If you have been inactive, this might be the time to become involved again.  For some people, grief opens the door to faith. After a time, you might not be as mad at God as you once were."
    "14. Get professional help if needed.  Do not allow crippling grief to continue.  There comes a time to stop crying and to live again.  Sometimes a few sessions with a trained counselor will help a lot."

         "No matter how deep your sorrow, you are not alone. Others have been there and will
           help share the load if you will let them."

   "Take advantage of a religious affiliation."  Yes, Grace University Lutheran has been a huge part of my healing and recovery.  Every time I attend, there are hugs, expressions of concern, references to Caring Bridge and an atmosphere of hope, love and acceptance.  The music, messages, rituals and,the all important coffee hour, all nurture.  Martin Luther called the coffee hour, i.e., "the mutual conversation and consolation of the saints" sacred. Yes, indeed!

Blessed Easter to all!

Al

4/19/2019 Caring Bridge

Good Friday

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Some of you readers will remember the old Good Friday tradition of worship services that included preaching on Jesus' "seven last words", i.e., sayings from the cross.  The service was designed to last four hours, the time that Jesus was presumed to have hung on the cross.  The expectation was that people would come and go and not necessarily be present for the full four hours.  Often a guest preacher was arranged who then would come prepared with seven sermons.  Joanne's father, the late Rev. Dr. Oscar C. Hanson, was often recruited to this preaching duty.
    Rev. Hanson served Grace Lutheran Church, Watertown, S.D., after a one year stint as dean of men at Concordia College, Moorhead, MN.  After he completed his service to Grace Lutheran his only other parish pastor call was the founding of The American Lutheran Church, Oslo, Norway.  At various times he was the head of the E.L.C. Youth Department, President of Lutheran Bible Institute, and an evangelist for the A.L.C.  Rev. Hanson was a gifted preacher and, because he wasn't responsible for a congregation, he was free to accept these preaching assignments.
   The above is all preliminary to a Joanne story.  Being the eldest child, very responsible and mature she often accompanied her father on these assignments.  If she minded sitting through four hour services I don't remember her saying so.  At our hour long service tonight I was reflecting on those services of the past, which I also remember.
   Had Joanne and I met before my stint in the Marines our history might have been quite different.  Suffice it to say I was neither well behaved nor mature and needed my military stint to grow up. 😉  
   Through her life, Joanne developed a passion for justice.  She always had a strong sense of fairness as did her father.  However, his passion was more "religious" and he never strayed into social gospel. There was one place though where he brooked no deviance.  If conversation in his presence ever strayed into criticism of anyone who was not present, he quickly stopped it.  No particular events in Joanne's life stand out, that changed her focus, but increasingly she committed herself to the cause of justice.  She was always on the lookout for individuals who were marginalized and would seek to include them. 
   The presence of absence was powerful tonight.

Two more "LAMPS ON THE PATH" from Jensen

   "11.  Record your thoughts in a journal.  Writing helps you get your feelings out. It also shows your progress."
   "12.  Turn grief into creative energy.  Find a way to help others--sharing someone else's load will lighten your own.  Write something as a tribute to your loved one."

    Perhaps #s 11 & 12, help in understanding the value of this blog.  Posting has helped me identify what I'm feeling so I can write about it and, certainly my movement toward recovery, is well documented on this site.   Yes, this is a written tribute to Joanne and I hope helpful to others.

Blessed Good Friday to you!

Al

4/18/2019 Caring Bridge

April 18, 2019

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

"Many stories matter.  Stories have been used to dispossess and malign. (Al's parenthetical comment: Many stories told about immigrants would fall into this category.) But stories can also be used to empower and to humanize.  Stories can break the dignity of a people.  But stories can also repair that broken dignity."  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Nigerian author.
    Our dinner host had this quote printed out for each of the guests as a lead in to a fascinating discussion of my posts on this site.  Last night's post about the faithfulness of my friends led the guests to tell stories of bereaved persons isolated in their bereavement as they were ignored by friends.  T said "One of the gifts of reading your posts is that, when I see you, I don't have to ask 'how are you doing' because I already know."  That's an aspect I'd not considered.
   In the discussion I referenced Karen Blixen's statement, which I've often quoted here, "Any grief can be bourne if you tell a story about it."  It wasn't my 'dignity' that was broken, it was my heart, but I think this story telling has been a significant factor in the healing of it.  These public stories have brought out the compassion of readers who have been my faithful companions in the land of grief.  In many ways 'my grief' has been 'our grief' and that is a gift.

Two more "Lamps on the Path" from Jensen's booklet on grief.

   "9. Associate with old friends also.  Some will be uneasy, but they will get over it.  If and when you can, talk and act naturally, without avoiding the subject of your loss."
   "10. Postpone major decisions.  Wait before deciding whether or not to sell your house or to change jobs."

Blessings,

Al

Pictured; Joanne with her siblings and their spouses.

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4/17/2019 Caring Bridge

April 17, 2019

 

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 41 minutes ago

   Two more of Jensen's "Lamps on the path"  from her book Healing Grief.

    "7. Nurture Yourself.  Each day try to do something good for yourself.  Think of what you might do for someone else if the were in your shoes and then do that favor for yourself."
    "8. Join a group of others who are sorrowing.  Your old circle of friends may change.  Even if it does not, you will need new friends who have been through your experience."

    Reading number eight is a reminds me of how fortunate I am.  Friends have rallied around me and that has continued all through my first year in the land of grief.  With the constant support of so many friends I haven't felt the need to join a grief group and, I think, this blog has done for me some of what a grief group might have.  Old friends have been attentive, they continue to do so, and therefore I haven't felt the need to deliberately seek out new friends who are bereaved.  At my age I have several friends who are bereaved and their wisdom has guided me.  
    Recently a friend pointed out that now I was past most 'firsts,' which is true, but one that remains is Easter, the first without her.  With Easter's movable date it falls three weeks later than last year, when it was on Joanne's April 1st, birthday. (I wonder when Easter will fall on April 1, again?)  Frequently I've written about our congregation singing Happy Birthday to her at the Easter Service.  Easter/birthday dinner was the last time she sat at the table for a meal and she did so for almost two hours.  Fortunately the family will gather for dinner again.  
    Family and friends...I am blessed!

Blessings,

Al

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4/16/2019 Caring Bridge

Recommended Reading

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 47 minutes ago

Sarah Smarsh' book Heartland: A Memoir of Working Hard and Being Broke in the Richest Country on Earth, might be though of as a corrective to Hillbilly Elegy, written from a progressive point of view. Barbara Ehrenreich said about it "It is poetry--of wind and snow the two-lane roads running through the wheat, the summer nights when work-drained families drink and dance under the prairie sky."
   Smarsh uses an interesting literary technique of addressing the book to her unborn (imaginary) child.  However, it seems that her imagining this child was a strategy that helped her avoid the pitfalls that could easily have sabotaged her striving for "success", i.e., her escape from the cycle of poverty into which she was born.   She places the narrative of her growing up in the larger context of the forces that were shaping American life that have special impact on the poor.    
    Dale Maharidge, co-author of the Pulitzer Prize winning And Their Children After Them, said this " "Heartland is about an impossible dream for anyone born into poverty--a leap up in class, doubly hard for a woman."   This book can well be read along with White Trash, and Educated, to enrich and enhance one's understanding of the pervasive influence of class in America.

   Two more "Lamps On The Path" from Jensen

     "5.  Eat Well.  Grief  stresses the body.  You need good nourishment now more than ever, so get back to a good diet soon.  Vitamin and mineral supplements may help.

      "6. Exercise Regularly.  Exercise lightens the load through biochemical changes.  It also helps you sleep better.  Return to an old program or start a new one.  An hour-long walk every day is ideal for many people.  (Al's note:  One of my friends uses her walking time for prayer.)

So this is my story from the land of grief and I'm sticking with it.

Blessings,

Al

Picture: Joanne with her favorite son 2004.

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4/15/2019 Caring Bridge

More for which to be grateful.

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 32 minutes ago

When he rode by our farm on his big 1951, Indian Motorcycle and I was in my early teens, I was so jealous.  V died recently and at his funeral there was a picture of that motorcycle pinned to the bulletin board.  V's farm was a few miles from ours and once I saw him go by with three passengers aboard.  His little brother said he remembers riding with V, 80, miles an hour on gravel.  V is fortunate he lived to age 89.
    At the visitation I chatted with V's cousin J, with whom I went to high school, J being one grade ahead of me.  J's wife died two years ago and, though J lives in St. Paul, his wife is buried in the same cemetery in South Dakota as is Joanne.  When widowers meet conversation can quickly turn to the comparing of notes on loss and grief.  J reported that he's clearing out the house in which he's lived for 42 years and, while he has the help of a daughter, his wife cannot aid in the process.
    While feeling compassion for J, at the same time I breathed a silent "thank you, Joanne."  She was the one who prompted our move from our house in Golden Valley to this downtown condo over ten years ago.  Our house was a split foyer which meant many steps.  Initially I resisted the idea because I really liked the house.  But, as so often was the case, she was right, and I am grateful.  We did the sorting and downsizing together.  Of course it was a huge job but I've never missed the house.  The neighbors, yes, but the house no.  The neighborhood book club lets me continue to participate so I still get to see the people.

    A comment posted after I mentioned curiosity about the other "Lamps on the path."  
     "3.  Deal with guilt, real or imagined.  You did the best you could at the time.  If you made mistakes, accept the fact that you, like everyone else, are not perfect.  Only hindsight is 20-20.  If you continue to blame yourself, consider professional or religious  counseling.  If you believe in god, a pastor can help you believe also in God's forgiveness."
     "4. Keep busy.  Do work that has purpose.  Use your mind."

I'll post more "lamps' later.

Blessings,

Al

Joanne pictured with her siblings.

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4/14/2019 Caring Bridge

April 14, 2019

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

In her little booklet Healing Grief, Amy Hillyard Jensen, shares a wealth of wisdom.  At the end of the booklet pp. 22-23, "LAMPS ON THE PATH"  "Suggestions to keep you moving in the right direction."  Then she lists 14 'lamps.'
   "1. Accept the grief.  Roll with the tides of it.  Do not try to be brave. Take time to cry."

  When I read #2, I laughed out loud.

   "2.  Talk about your loss.  Share your grief within the family.  Do not try to protect them by silence.  Also find a friend to talk to.  Talk often.  If the friend tells you to 'snap out of it,' find another friend."

   It was her "find another friend" that made me laugh.  It also reminded me of the quality of my friends.  Not once in this year in the land of grief have I encountered a roadblock like that.  This great cloud of witnesses who are accompanying me on my journey have patiently borne with my obsessions.  It has been an amazing experience of accompaniment.  Of course no one can grieve for me, but this has certainly proved that there are few limits on grieving WITH.
   Never, would I have ever thought, that there would by such a blessed host sharing my travel in the land of grief.  YES, I'M GRATEFUL.  

Blessings,

Al

Isn't this a great picture?

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