Eight plus years ago when I was blogging about my grief at Joanne's death, I other referenced the pain of "the presence of absence. Kaia's death has plunged me back into that experience. Upon my awakening Kaia would place her chin on the bed for a chin scratch. As soon as I arose I'd let her out into the front yard so she could relieve herself. After our breakfasts I'd settle into the recliner to read the morning paper online and check emails, while she slept nearby. Once she decided it was time for us to move she'd sit and look at me. Whereever I was in the house she'd be near. So, the house is full of the presence of absence.
There's another aspect of grief in her death other than the immediate absence. She was significant in the future I planned. Hunting season opens in October. Hunting with her, was the most important part of hunting. Hunting alone has no appeal, so, I do I quite hunting? If so, why stay in The Little House during the fall? The OFH is perfectly comfortable, perhaps I should return earlier than the typical Thanksgiving time?
Grief; obviously I've been here before, she's the 7th of my dogs to die. Then, too, this grief is in no way comparable to the grief of Joanne's death. Grief has the same features but clearly not the depth as loss of a spouse. I'm very grateful to have had the joy of Kaia's companionship for five and a half years, which explains the depth of the grief at her death.
Takk for alt,
Al




