Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — 13 hours ago
Three months have passed since Joanne died. I perceive there is a difference in me. The difference is that I am less aware of the presence of absence. Perhaps it is not surprising that that brings an element of peace to my life. On the other hand, that provokes a sadness, as it seems I'm leaving Joanne behind. That, I do not like.
Early in Joanne's time of hospice, as I began to wrestle with conceiving life after her death, I wondered; a) how is should I live my life, and, b) how would it feel. We planned a European Riverboat trip from Prague to Paris for this summer. Departure was scheduled for July, 9, so we would have been on it now, had not death intervened. Joanne really wanted to visit Prague.
Wondering how to think about my life after her death, I raised the issue with my spiritual director; "What if I go to Prague in the future?" Always the fount of wisdom she said "Talk to Joanne." I know, I know...I could have thought of that myself. So I asked Joanne, "If I get to Prague some day do I need to feel guilty, because you never got there?" She laughed and said "Of course not, go." Then I said "maybe I'll go to Norway and visit our friends." "Oh, I hope you do, I want you to stay in touch with them."
With her words ringing in my ears I bought a ticket to Norway this week. I'll be there about ten days in the first half of October. For years I've traveled Asia alone but it feels different to go to Europe alone. Visiting Norway is riding her 'coattails' which, of course, is nothing new for me.
Blessings,
Al
Early in Joanne's time of hospice, as I began to wrestle with conceiving life after her death, I wondered; a) how is should I live my life, and, b) how would it feel. We planned a European Riverboat trip from Prague to Paris for this summer. Departure was scheduled for July, 9, so we would have been on it now, had not death intervened. Joanne really wanted to visit Prague.
Wondering how to think about my life after her death, I raised the issue with my spiritual director; "What if I go to Prague in the future?" Always the fount of wisdom she said "Talk to Joanne." I know, I know...I could have thought of that myself. So I asked Joanne, "If I get to Prague some day do I need to feel guilty, because you never got there?" She laughed and said "Of course not, go." Then I said "maybe I'll go to Norway and visit our friends." "Oh, I hope you do, I want you to stay in touch with them."
With her words ringing in my ears I bought a ticket to Norway this week. I'll be there about ten days in the first half of October. For years I've traveled Asia alone but it feels different to go to Europe alone. Visiting Norway is riding her 'coattails' which, of course, is nothing new for me.
Blessings,
Al
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