Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — 18 hours ago
Today, with friends, we traveled to spend the day with D.K., at his lovely lake place. In the course of the day's conversation he reported that he'd asked a couple who have been married 65 years the secret of their marriage. The husband replied "It's important what you don't say." Profound isn't it?
That began some pondering for me. What didn't Joanne say in our 54 years of marriage, that preserved the harmony. This is tricky ground because stuffing feelings, or passively accepting wrongs,can lead to resentment which is toxic for relationships. There is a good reason that much emphasis in Alcoholics Anonymous focuses on avoiding resentment. Yet, much strife in marriage could be avoided by strategic silence. Let a little time pass and if it's only a momentary thing let it pass. If it's more than that, come back to it when emotions have subsided.
In many of my posts on this site I've referenced the presence of absence. This phrase entered my lexicon awhile back but it was not original with me. I found this quote by Edna St. Vincent Millay, "The presence of that absence is everywhere" in the book, Winter Grief, Summer Grace: Returning to Life After a Loved One Dies, by James E. Miller. S.W., kindly gave me the book early in my grieving process. The phrase now lives in me because it is so expressive of my experience.
Blessings,
Al
That began some pondering for me. What didn't Joanne say in our 54 years of marriage, that preserved the harmony. This is tricky ground because stuffing feelings, or passively accepting wrongs,can lead to resentment which is toxic for relationships. There is a good reason that much emphasis in Alcoholics Anonymous focuses on avoiding resentment. Yet, much strife in marriage could be avoided by strategic silence. Let a little time pass and if it's only a momentary thing let it pass. If it's more than that, come back to it when emotions have subsided.
In many of my posts on this site I've referenced the presence of absence. This phrase entered my lexicon awhile back but it was not original with me. I found this quote by Edna St. Vincent Millay, "The presence of that absence is everywhere" in the book, Winter Grief, Summer Grace: Returning to Life After a Loved One Dies, by James E. Miller. S.W., kindly gave me the book early in my grieving process. The phrase now lives in me because it is so expressive of my experience.
Blessings,
Al
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