Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jun 17, 2018
Sindy T., died this morning. Wayne and Sindy have become friends from proximity at church. Though, that's not the whole story. Someone has a picture of Wayne and Joanne playing together as five year olds in Watertown, S.D. Their parents were friends. We connected, or re-connected, after they joined Grace University Lutheran not long after we did and we often shared a pew.
The announcement of Sindy's death made me cry. For whom were the tears? Wayne? Sindy? their family? Joanne? me? The answer is 'yes'...all of the above.
After two months of the presence of absence the periods between tears is longer. Is this as it should be? A friend asked me this week how Joanne would comfort me in my grief. My response? "She'd tell me to get over it." That sounds much more like Al than Joanne. However, in her 23 days of hospice she was very un-sentimenal about her death. She was able to celebrate what she had accomplished, her gratitude abounded, there was some concern about my future, but, about her future she readily relinquished anxiety.
The reality for me remains, and I think well described, by the one who said "you have a hole in your heart." Blessings abound and life continues to have meaning. but the hole is there and at any moment it makes its presence known. The presence of absence continues to lurk.
Blessings,
Al
The announcement of Sindy's death made me cry. For whom were the tears? Wayne? Sindy? their family? Joanne? me? The answer is 'yes'...all of the above.
After two months of the presence of absence the periods between tears is longer. Is this as it should be? A friend asked me this week how Joanne would comfort me in my grief. My response? "She'd tell me to get over it." That sounds much more like Al than Joanne. However, in her 23 days of hospice she was very un-sentimenal about her death. She was able to celebrate what she had accomplished, her gratitude abounded, there was some concern about my future, but, about her future she readily relinquished anxiety.
The reality for me remains, and I think well described, by the one who said "you have a hole in your heart." Blessings abound and life continues to have meaning. but the hole is there and at any moment it makes its presence known. The presence of absence continues to lurk.
Blessings,
Al
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