Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — May 30, 2018
During her last days Joanne often used the word 'surreal' to describe her experience of dying. It also describes my experience these days. While life goes on, in many ways normal, yet always there is the reality of absence, which belies the normal. So surreal seems very descriptive.
Then there are the little oddities. Take the toaster cover for example. When i expressed annoyance about an empty butter dish, she mentioned her frustration that I'd not replace the toaster cover. Now, when it doesn't matter anymore, I find myself very self-consciously replacing the toaster cover. What is that about? Is it a late attempt to make amends? Is it a little way of honoring her memory? It does always make me think of her. As always, the hardest, is not being able to share ideas, events, encounters in which she'd be interested.
Blessings,
Al
Then there are the little oddities. Take the toaster cover for example. When i expressed annoyance about an empty butter dish, she mentioned her frustration that I'd not replace the toaster cover. Now, when it doesn't matter anymore, I find myself very self-consciously replacing the toaster cover. What is that about? Is it a late attempt to make amends? Is it a little way of honoring her memory? It does always make me think of her. As always, the hardest, is not being able to share ideas, events, encounters in which she'd be interested.
Blessings,
Al
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