Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jun 10, 2018
Joanne's recliner and the front door to our condo are as far apart as is possible in our space. There is no sight line between them either, with the kitchen walls between. Be that as it may, when she was in her recliner and I'd enter the front door she's start talking. My hearing is quite compromised so I wouldn't have a clue what she was saying. I would put down what ever I was carrying and take a seat in front of her and say "I thought I heard voices." She would then repeat all she's said. Sometimes it annoyed me, for which I'm now sorry.
Years ago we both read Deborah Tannen's book You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. Tanner argues that there are basic differences between women and men and how they converse. She claims that men speak to share information while women's speech is to connect. Her illustration is what happens when a man begins to read a newspaper. Suddenly the woman who had been sitting their quietly starts talking. Because she feels disconnected. If she were writing today the example would probably be about a smart phone.
This rang true enough for Joanne and me that I learned to ask "Are we connected?" before hoisting the paper. She'd laugh and agree. Joanne's immediate speech when I entered the condo makes sense under this rubric. She, the female and ultimate extrovert, was so hungry for connection she couldn't wait for me to get withing hearing distance.
On one level I knew this, yet it sometimes annoyed me. Of course I wish it had been different, but there is no "do over". There is no doubt of her forgiveness but that doesn't assuage my guilt.
At the risk of stating the obvious "let he/she who has ears to hear, hear..."
Blessings,
Years ago we both read Deborah Tannen's book You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. Tanner argues that there are basic differences between women and men and how they converse. She claims that men speak to share information while women's speech is to connect. Her illustration is what happens when a man begins to read a newspaper. Suddenly the woman who had been sitting their quietly starts talking. Because she feels disconnected. If she were writing today the example would probably be about a smart phone.
This rang true enough for Joanne and me that I learned to ask "Are we connected?" before hoisting the paper. She'd laugh and agree. Joanne's immediate speech when I entered the condo makes sense under this rubric. She, the female and ultimate extrovert, was so hungry for connection she couldn't wait for me to get withing hearing distance.
On one level I knew this, yet it sometimes annoyed me. Of course I wish it had been different, but there is no "do over". There is no doubt of her forgiveness but that doesn't assuage my guilt.
At the risk of stating the obvious "let he/she who has ears to hear, hear..."
Blessings,
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