Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago
"Think about the new dimensions in your life since Joanne died?" Those may not be his exact words but that was the message. "You're like the widow, who discovers a whole new life after her husband dies." He's always perceptive and thoughtful and I have to admit he's on to something.
He referenced the dinner I recently hosted as a case in point. Of course I never would have done that were Joanne alive, nor have the family over to decorate, nor made the fall trip to Norway, nor had all those lunches and happy hours, nor bought tickets from Bangkok to Australia, nor.... Certainly there is much I've done and am doing now that I wasn't when Joanne was alive.
Is this the way one finds one's place in the land of grief? What does this mean? Obviously there were ways in which I was dependent on Joanne. With the extreme extrovert she was it was easy to let her lead. "You're not leaving her behind, she is with you in a new way"...so glad I'd heard this before it dawned on me how much I've changed over these months. Even so I have some temptation toward feeling guilt about the changes. Still, I'm confident that she would be pleased with the life I'm living. She worried I'd be an recluse.
More to think about. Any reflections from others are always welcome.
Blessings,
al
He referenced the dinner I recently hosted as a case in point. Of course I never would have done that were Joanne alive, nor have the family over to decorate, nor made the fall trip to Norway, nor had all those lunches and happy hours, nor bought tickets from Bangkok to Australia, nor.... Certainly there is much I've done and am doing now that I wasn't when Joanne was alive.
Is this the way one finds one's place in the land of grief? What does this mean? Obviously there were ways in which I was dependent on Joanne. With the extreme extrovert she was it was easy to let her lead. "You're not leaving her behind, she is with you in a new way"...so glad I'd heard this before it dawned on me how much I've changed over these months. Even so I have some temptation toward feeling guilt about the changes. Still, I'm confident that she would be pleased with the life I'm living. She worried I'd be an recluse.
More to think about. Any reflections from others are always welcome.
Blessings,
al
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