Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago
Joanne, where are you? Why did you leave me so soon? When my spiritual director said "You're not leaving Joanne behind, she's with you in a new way" it struck me immediately as something profound and, ever since she said it, I've been thinking about it.
Is that why I keep doing things that mattered to Joanne? Some of them are small things like, remembering to replace the toaster cover, always making my bed, folding the laundry, and keeping the condo clean and orderly. Is this a way in which she remains with me? Then there are the more important actions; staying in touch with friends, remembering birthdays, affirming the family, etc. Does Joanne 'live' through these actions and so continues with me?
Who am I now? A widower searching for his place in the land of grief? Joanne's life partner living out our mutual values? Perhaps is may seem nonsensical but I even wonder "Am I married? How are you with me now, Joanne?
Blessings,
Al
Is that why I keep doing things that mattered to Joanne? Some of them are small things like, remembering to replace the toaster cover, always making my bed, folding the laundry, and keeping the condo clean and orderly. Is this a way in which she remains with me? Then there are the more important actions; staying in touch with friends, remembering birthdays, affirming the family, etc. Does Joanne 'live' through these actions and so continues with me?
Who am I now? A widower searching for his place in the land of grief? Joanne's life partner living out our mutual values? Perhaps is may seem nonsensical but I even wonder "Am I married? How are you with me now, Joanne?
Blessings,
Al
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