Survivor's guilt?
Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jul 2, 2018
Survivor's guilt seems like something dramatic, like missing an airplance connection and the plane crahes. Or the entire platoon dies in a fire fight except for one person who lives to tell about it. But the world is filled with widows and widowers. I'm just one of a host of bereaved persons. Can it be possible that this unease I'm experiencing is really survior's guilt?
Day by day new experiences come my way. It seems so unfair that Joanne is left out of them. Why should I continue and she be absent? Something is unsettling me. Perhaps that is as it should be. The presence of absence is a huge deal so maybe it's just the new normal.
Sitting in my chair in 'the little house on the prairie' I look at her empty recliner. On the end table next to the chair is a picture of us on the Hurtigruten, the Norwegian mail boat. We'd taken the bus to Tromso and then rode the boat back down the coast to Bermsnes. 1993 I think. A wonderful trip that we'd hope to repeat but never did.
While she was in hospice I told her I'd like to go back to Norway. She said "O good, I hope you do." She wanted me to stay in touch with her, and now also my, Norwegian friends. Yes, I think I will.
Blessings,
Al
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