Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jul 18, 2018
Now, over three months since Joanne died, life rolls along with some good rhythms. People, family and friends, continue to bless my life. There seems to be much to do. Boredom is not an issue. Yet, lurking in the background is this realization that I'm moving on, without her. A new story is developing that doesn't include her, which makes me sad.
Her last years were not easy. Back problems, mobility issues and a chronic, persistent cough made life difficult. Cough drops were in every purse, pocket, drawer, compartment in the car...testifying to her cough. Acid re-flux, asthma and allergies combined to create a perfect storm of coughing. It had to be terribly tiresome for her but she didn't complain a lot. Perhaps those health challenges, with endless doctors visits and therapy appointments, contributed to her peaceful acceptance of her impending death.
There is no doubt that she was more ready than I. With hospice, death and funeral rituals I tried to do things correctly; be deliberate, intentional, don't rush it, focus, avoid denial. Of course that has helped. It's just the reality, that she's gone and not coming back, that is hard to bear. That awful presence of absence.
Blessings,
Al
Her last years were not easy. Back problems, mobility issues and a chronic, persistent cough made life difficult. Cough drops were in every purse, pocket, drawer, compartment in the car...testifying to her cough. Acid re-flux, asthma and allergies combined to create a perfect storm of coughing. It had to be terribly tiresome for her but she didn't complain a lot. Perhaps those health challenges, with endless doctors visits and therapy appointments, contributed to her peaceful acceptance of her impending death.
There is no doubt that she was more ready than I. With hospice, death and funeral rituals I tried to do things correctly; be deliberate, intentional, don't rush it, focus, avoid denial. Of course that has helped. It's just the reality, that she's gone and not coming back, that is hard to bear. That awful presence of absence.
Blessings,
Al
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