Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jul 19, 2018
A friend remarked that I seemed sad. "Yes," I replied "I am sad, but I'm not depressed." With Joanne's diagnosis, illness and death I have been very, very sad. I still am. That reality of the presence of absence makes me sad, very sad. But I have not been depressed very much.
There is a difference. Depression saps energy and leaves me feeling like withdrawing, perhaps pulling the blanket over my head and just staying in bed. When I'm depressed I'm not interested in activities or being with people. It intrigues me that this, greatest loss of my life, hasn't sent me into depression, at least not yet.
Sadness, on the other hand, inhabits me. Those little occurrences, that I've referenced, that I'd like to share with Joanne, provide constant reminders of my loss. It just seems so outrageous that she is gone. There is nothing I can do about it, and that great hole in my heart, makes me sad.
Blessings,
Al
There is a difference. Depression saps energy and leaves me feeling like withdrawing, perhaps pulling the blanket over my head and just staying in bed. When I'm depressed I'm not interested in activities or being with people. It intrigues me that this, greatest loss of my life, hasn't sent me into depression, at least not yet.
Sadness, on the other hand, inhabits me. Those little occurrences, that I've referenced, that I'd like to share with Joanne, provide constant reminders of my loss. It just seems so outrageous that she is gone. There is nothing I can do about it, and that great hole in my heart, makes me sad.
Blessings,
Al
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