Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Jul 22, 2018
Traveling back in my mind to Joanne's days in hospice causes me to wonder. How, was it seemingly so easy, for her to let go of life. As Pastor Mary, pointed out, gratitude and fear cannot co-exist. Joanne was filled with gratitude and she was fearless. Yes, of course faith was much in evidence. Yet, I wonder that she so easily relinquished what might have been, the task, Pastor Mary said, came at this stage of life or dying.
Realizing that there was no hope either of cure, or prolonging life, it was a shock that she quickly absorbed and moved on. Within a couple of days she was at peace with her death. So, what I wonder about, how could she so quickly accept the reality of surrendering all that comes with earthly life?
This is not to say that she wasn't engaged in the moment. Shown the video of our congregation singing happy birthday to her on her Easter Sunday birthday, she remarked "I never knew dying could be so glorius." When Pastor Mary brought an Easter Serivce to our family and she asked for a volunteer to read the gospel, 9 year old Mai-Evy volunteered. As she read flawlessly, it was one of the few times Joanne cried during her dying. She eagerly delivered final messages, what she called her bucket list, to many family and friends. The messages that poured in via mail, Caring Bridge Postings and phone calls she consumed with deep joy and satisfaction. Yet, I never heard her grieve about all that she was losing.
So, these things I ponder knowing that there is no easy answer.
Blessings,
Al
Realizing that there was no hope either of cure, or prolonging life, it was a shock that she quickly absorbed and moved on. Within a couple of days she was at peace with her death. So, what I wonder about, how could she so quickly accept the reality of surrendering all that comes with earthly life?
This is not to say that she wasn't engaged in the moment. Shown the video of our congregation singing happy birthday to her on her Easter Sunday birthday, she remarked "I never knew dying could be so glorius." When Pastor Mary brought an Easter Serivce to our family and she asked for a volunteer to read the gospel, 9 year old Mai-Evy volunteered. As she read flawlessly, it was one of the few times Joanne cried during her dying. She eagerly delivered final messages, what she called her bucket list, to many family and friends. The messages that poured in via mail, Caring Bridge Postings and phone calls she consumed with deep joy and satisfaction. Yet, I never heard her grieve about all that she was losing.
So, these things I ponder knowing that there is no easy answer.
Blessings,
Al
No comments:
Post a Comment