Who owns an illness?

   It's too facile to answer, "who owns an illness?" by simply saying that person in whose body it resides. That would imply that a person owes nothing to anyone but himself/herself. Such a position would be difficult to defend except perhaps for a nihilist. Does one owe it to loved ones to exercise reasonable self-care which includes prompt medical attention?  If one is the complete owner of his/her illness then what others need doesn't matter.  Yet, must not the bearer of an illness have primary ownership of it?
    In the Books Section. p.E11, of the December 1, 2019, Star Tribune is a review of the book Passing: A Memoir of Love and Death, Michael Korda, reviewed by Laurie Hertzel. Laurie writes,
    "Those of us who are members of that enormous, sad club--the club of people who lost loved ones to cancer--will find much that resonates in Michael's new book.
     "....'Passing' is the memoir of a man who stuffs himself with facts and information about brain tumors and cancer in hopes that knowledge will help him get through the anguish of watching his beautiful wife die. But there is no antidote to anguish.
     "The word 'beautiful' is important here. Beauty was one of Margaret Korda's defining characteristics, one of the things she valued most about herself....Tall lithe and blond, Margaret--a former model--discovered a small irregular spot on her face and was pretty sure she knew what it was; her husband had recently undergone treatment for malignant melanoma, treatment that left a divot in his skull.
      "But what if surgery left a divot in Margaret's lovely, high-cheekboned face? She chose to cover the spot with makeup and put it out of her mind. For years. By the time she could no longer ignore it, the cancer had metastasized to her brain, and this is where the deeply sad story of 'Passing' begins"

       As Korda lives in the land of grief will Margaret's denial haunt him?  Did she owe it to him to seek prompt medical treatment, at the expense of her looks, so they could have more time together? Might she have lived a long life, albeit with disfigurement? Was she correct is acting as it he were her issue?  Herzel in review does not raise this issue, rather focusing on Korda's grief which is similar to so many others.
     "Who owns an illness?"  My answer is, while the bearer has a compelling interest, others; family, friends, the wider community also have ownership. Living in the land of grief, as I do, I am comforted that Joanne and I were on the same page with her illness, treatment and decision to enter hospice. This means that I am not left with "I wish she would have..."  It is one less complication in my grieving.

Takk for alt,

Al