Elisa
Zwier, writes in an Advent devotional.
"In my “one step forward, two
steps back” movement between fear and hope, I find the work of Episcopal priest
Rev. Alla Renée Bozarth (1994) insightful:
'“Being able to fully face the
reality of your loss depends on the balance between personal integrity and
creativity. Integrity looks at something and says, what is, is. Creativity
looks at something and asks, what new thing can come from this?”'
Tom, was kind enough to forward this (above) to me.
"Integrity looks at something and says, what is, is. Creativity looks at something and asks, what new thing can come from this?”
INTEGRITY: From the time Joanne was in hospice, through her death and after I have tried to live in the reality, painful as it was and is. "...what is, is...." Of course I didn't like it, nor do I still but denial just did not seem an option. This decision has served me well and has aided my recovery abd was very conscious.
CREATIVITY: Now, about 20th months into life in the land of grief, I can recognize creativity. It came as a response to my perceived need. There was no moment when I thought "Oh, now I must be creative. " It was more a matter of "Now,what do I do?" When I perceived a need and.acted it was creative and energized by the recognition of a new reality.
Joanne was famous for staying in touch with family and friends. It was a very significant factor in who she was. Testimony to this character of hers was the out pouring of affirmation that she received in her last days,
In contrast, I was never particularly good at staying connected. Even with family and friends I'd frequently withdraw to my inner self. When Joanne died I decided that she had been correct all along, that staying in touch was valuable. Additionally, she was no longer available to do the connecting nor as a verbal, relational partner for me.
Since her death I have worked hard at being present and at staying in touch. Joanne would likely be surprised and certainly pleased in this change, which could be labeled 'creative.' It was made meaningful because my family and friends are so worth the investment. Life is good!
Takk for alt,
Al
INTEGRITY: From the time Joanne was in hospice, through her death and after I have tried to live in the reality, painful as it was and is. "...what is, is...." Of course I didn't like it, nor do I still but denial just did not seem an option. This decision has served me well and has aided my recovery abd was very conscious.
CREATIVITY: Now, about 20th months into life in the land of grief, I can recognize creativity. It came as a response to my perceived need. There was no moment when I thought "Oh, now I must be creative. " It was more a matter of "Now,what do I do?" When I perceived a need and.acted it was creative and energized by the recognition of a new reality.
Joanne was famous for staying in touch with family and friends. It was a very significant factor in who she was. Testimony to this character of hers was the out pouring of affirmation that she received in her last days,
In contrast, I was never particularly good at staying connected. Even with family and friends I'd frequently withdraw to my inner self. When Joanne died I decided that she had been correct all along, that staying in touch was valuable. Additionally, she was no longer available to do the connecting nor as a verbal, relational partner for me.
Since her death I have worked hard at being present and at staying in touch. Joanne would likely be surprised and certainly pleased in this change, which could be labeled 'creative.' It was made meaningful because my family and friends are so worth the investment. Life is good!
Takk for alt,
Al
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