Sustaining Connection to Love,

    When the value of writing this blog,for my life in the land of grief, arises in conversation I point to two distinct values, though there are more. First, I point out that writing has caused me to recognize what I am feeling with enough clarity to be able to articulate it in writing. That is not the most natural thing for me. 😁 But, it is therapeutic.
   The second value that I identify is that it has created a community, largely on online but not totally. The comments posted on the blog, emails in response and the conversations in person about what I've written are very meaningful to me.
   An example is this quote from Sojurners online emailed to me by a friend:

                                   ""VOICE OF THE DAY"

   "We need to grieve the ones we have loved and lost in this lifetime---not to sustain our suffering, but to sustain our connection to love."   J.W. 

     Now isn't that the truth? The depth of the grief is the measure of the love that existed with the departed. Joanne may be dead, she is, but that does not end my love. The pain of her loss, the pain of the presence of absence, is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond of love,
     Sharing that loss with a community, many of whom are online, sustains me in ways that I did not anticipate. When, as I often do, I express my gratitude for friends it includes the many who are online.

Takk for alt,

Al

Life and Grief and Love

   Many of the responses to my blog come via email, as did the two

quotes below from WORD FOR THE DAY, sent by a friend. Nightingale is correct, "life life when you have it."  That is what I have tried to do since Joanne died as I've moved into the land of grief. It echoes, in some part, the mantra that Lowell shared as reported in the last two blogs.     The second Word For The Day requires more contemplation. The first sentence, "walk into the house of mourning,"  is something I have tried to do and I think I am better for having done that. " For grief is love squaring up to its oldest enemy"...I guess I hadn't thought of death as "love's oldest enemy."       In what way is "love up to the challenge"?  Memory? Continued living? Hope? Enduring love? More to contemplate.......... WORD FOR THE DAY Live life when you have it. Life is a splendid gift--there is nothing small about it.

Florence Nightingale

WORD FOR THE DAY Walk fearlessly into the house of mourning. For grief is just love squaring up to its oldest enemy, and after all these mortal human years love is up to the challenge.

Kate Braestrup                                                     People of the Book

by Sarah Rossiter

August 30, 2019

Though some might think it heresy
I confess it troubles me that though
He said to those He led that a grapevine
can’t grow figs, isn’t that just what
we did, having turned His skin to white
and changed his sight—our blue-eyed boy
grafted to a Christian tree so even though
He did decree we love our neighbors as
ourselves, once we claimed Him for
our own, we turned His people into “them.”

The Christian Century 9/11/2019 p. 22

Takk for alt,

Al

Survivors guilt?

     We missed Joanne. As we reminisced about our connections in the late 60s and early 70s last night there was a profound  sense of the presence of absence. Joanne would have loved being with us and the re-connection with persons who were important to us in those early days of marriage and ministry.
    Is part of missing her at a time like last night survivor's guilt? Knowing how she'd have loved to participate, is part of my grief in her absence guilt that I get the opportunity that she is denied? Joanne was a very important player in those relationships and now she misses out. We can't even talk about it. Yes, survivor's guilt makes sense to me.
   It is in this context that Lowell's 'mantra',"In honor of those who have not lived to see this day, I pledge to live this day as fully as possible,"  helps me. There is nothing I can do to bring her back but I can 'pledge to live this day as fully as possible.' Clearly she'd want me to move forward living in the best way I can. That I can do, and will continue to do my best with the time that is given me.

Takk for alt,

Al

Patriarchal Assumption!

   At a delightful dinner tonight I was reunited with Joyce Rosengren for the first time since the early 1970's. Joyce and Stan had been in Kenmare, N.D., for about a year before we arrived in Mohall. Shortly after we moved in, in 1968, I have a distinct memory of them coming to welcome us. A kindness remembered these 51 years. Joyce and Stan now live in The Dalles, OR., and she was in town for her 61st, St. Olaf Nursing Class, reunion.
     We were hosted by Lowell and Linda Brandt who were at rural Kenmare during the aforementioned time. On the Luther College campus in Decorah, IA., stands Brandt Hall for women, where my Lisa lived her freshman year. Brandt Hall is named for one of Lowell's ancestors which I've known for a long time. Tonight I asked him the family connection, assuming it was a grandfather, uncle or some male relative...such was my patriarchal assumption. Lowell said "It is named after my great-great grandmother!"  She had been the "college mother" for years, thus the honor when the dorm was dedicated in 1950.
    They all knew and loved Joanne so she was much a part of our reminiscing. Lowell has suffered the death of several of his siblings and, he too, lives in the land of grief. In this context he shared his daily "mantra."  "In honor of those who have not lived to see this day, I pledge to live this day as fully as possible."
   Now, isn't that a take away from a delightful evening of remembering with long time friends?   Blessed, blessed, I am so blessed!

Takk for alt,

Al

Iowa Redux

     Davenport, IA., is a holdout. While other cities on the banks of the Mississippi through flat lands have built levees to control flooding, Davenport has not. The primary argument against levees is that the river is "lost" behind a huge earthen wall. Levees also speed the water to the detriment of communities downstream.
     Given the heavy snow pack and extensive spring rains Davenport was flooded for several weeks in May and June. None of that is visible now. Ed and Mary Jane took six of us for dinner at a riverside restaurant in Davenport which was flooded but shows no effects of it.
   They reserved a table with a great view of the river. However, when we arrived the paddle-boat, The Queen Of The Mississippi, was tied up  next to the restaurant. It is five decks high and totally blocked our view of the water. The waitress informed us that it had been there all day. No river view?  Fifteen minutes after we were seated it departed. 😃 The river is 30-40 feet deep and almost a half mile wide, flowing east to west. (Look it up in your Rand McNally Atlas.)
    It was a 'fruitful' evening of good conversation and good food...the best blue cheese potatoes I've ever had!

    Tomorrow I return to Noble Academy for my 9th year of volunteering. Some students I've had before and I'll also meet some who are new to me.

Takk for alt,

Al

Dinner by the river.

Queen of the Mississippi.

Old Man River.

Students last year.

Ya, then..."fruits"

The farm wife turns off the TV evangelist
by Shari Wagner

The Jesus I grew up with
likes to be outside.
If he's not fishing, he's picking figs
or showing us his mustard crop.

He prefers dusty roads, the common sparrow,
and lilies of the field.
When he knocks on your door
holding a lantern, you know it's time
to buckle on overshoes
and go with him to feed the sheep.

But this preacher, who looks straight
into the camera and claims he knows
Jesus, says what he wants
is for me to believe in him
so he can come inside.

That sounds shifty to me.
Like a wolf with his paws dipped in flour.

Jesus who heals the blind
said we will know a tree by its fruit.
 

“The farm wife turns off the TV evangelist” by Shari Wagner from The Farm Wife’s Almanac. © Dream Seeker Books, 2019

   When I read this poem on Writer's Almanac today I though, "you will know them by their fruits" applies in many situations. It is appropriate in politics, commerce, education and friendship. 
    Friendship? Yes, friendship, though I had never thought about friends under this rubric before.  It really fits doesn't it. Friends, those family members we choose, bear fruit we cherish.  
    There were three Marines on the bus ride from San Diego to Omaha; Bob, Ed and Al. Bob was from Des Moines, a city boy and eventually we lost contact with him. Ed and Al, as farm boys spent hours comparing notes on farming in IA and SD.  As the conversation progressed it became clear that farming experience was a commonality but also there were deeply shared values.
    The basis for a life time friendship was laid and it was enhanced by being assigned to the same unit so we could work and live together until my discharge. Then I was blessed with a call to IA, which put me within 25 miles of Ed's farm. So, 18 years after my discharge, Ed and I were brought together again. Now Joanne and Mary Jane became good friends and that friendship was often nourished on long walks on country roads. Additionally, our children were close to the same age and I count their children, now adults, as friends, too.
   My life continues to be blessed by the fruits of my friends!

Takk for alt,

Al

Ed & Mary Jane welcoming me to the farm.

I'm Back!

    Saturday evening I was with my granddaughters. As I returned home I thought about leaving my laptop in the car for my IA tour. Deciding not to leave it there I thought it would be fully charged for for IA. The day I left for IA I didn't enter my office so I didn't see the laptop on its charger. Sometime after lunch in Decorah with Jenine I thought, "laptop" and of course that did nothing to bring it with me. 😕 Consequently I've been off my blogs for a few days.  Sorry about that.
   Long time friends: Jenine and Joanne 1954, Ed and Al 1959, and Ken and Al 1979... It was September 1959 that Ed and I were in the same platoon in USMC boot camp,.  It was the bus ride to Omaha after boot camp on which we really bonded. Then we spent three years in the same office in a rifle company, he had the top bunk and I the lower, he the right wall locker and I the left....My call to Davenport, IA., put Joanne, and Ed's wife Mary Jane, in proximity so they could become close friends.
   Life in review...my initial start in college was not very successful. Consequently I ended up in the Marines, entering with a feeling of failure and frustration. However, had I made a successful start to college I would never have met Joanne, nor Ed. In retrospect those early struggles led to great blessings.. It was while I was in the service that I decided to go to seminary. Yes, life is best understood in the rear view mirror.
     Gratitude is my most prevailing feeling as I reflect on this trip to see friends. I am so blessed!

Takk for alt,

Al