We missed Joanne. As we reminisced about our connections in the late 60s and early 70s last night there was a profound sense of the presence of absence. Joanne would have loved being with us and the re-connection with persons who were important to us in those early days of marriage and ministry.
Is part of missing her at a time like last night survivor's guilt? Knowing how she'd have loved to participate, is part of my grief in her absence guilt that I get the opportunity that she is denied? Joanne was a very important player in those relationships and now she misses out. We can't even talk about it. Yes, survivor's guilt makes sense to me.
It is in this context that Lowell's 'mantra',"In honor of those who have not lived to see this day, I pledge to live this day as fully as possible," helps me. There is nothing I can do to bring her back but I can 'pledge to live this day as fully as possible.' Clearly she'd want me to move forward living in the best way I can. That I can do, and will continue to do my best with the time that is given me.
Takk for alt,
Al
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