6/13/2019 Caring Bridge

Cemetery Reflections

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

A visit to Joanne's cemetery is one of the first things I do when I come to The Little House On The Prairie.  Likely the mystery of her motivation for wanting to be buried here will never be solved.  The cemetery lies along the road between Sinai and the farm where I grew up so I've driven past it myriad times.  The  church stood there until a new one was built in town in 1950.  The old church was small and not well heated to we would have Sunday School in the summer.  Often teachers would take their class outside among the graves.  One teacher led us to an area of the cemetery very near where Joanne is buried.

    There is a 14 week old lab, puppy next door.  Trygve is very playful so they've been having play dates.  Around and around the yard they go until the puppy wanders off to explore.

    The fields are plowed...planting tomorrow?  Perhaps a good idea  with a chance of rain on Saturday.

Takk for alt,

Al

Picture is an evening view from the steps of The Little House....

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6/14/2019 Caring Bridge

A Joanne story

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 25 minutes ago

Recently the Minneapolis paper, StarTribune, reported that Minnesota Supreme Court Justice, David Lillehaug, has announced that he will not seek another term on the court.  He has Parkinson's disease.  Besides serving on the Supreme Court he also served as U.S. States Attorney for Minnesota.  This announcement makes me sad and reminds me of a Joanne story.
   Joanne served on several boards during her life.  In reverse order; LSS Minnesota, ECUMEN, Luther Theological Seminary and Augustana College.  Her stint on the Augustana Board in the early 1970's gave her an understanding of how boards function.  This, also, was her initial connection with David Lillehaug.
    Lillehaug was student body president at Augustana College while Joanne was on the board.   He was concerned about an Augustana practice that he thought was unjust.  Augustana wrapped a meal plan into the cost of tuition.  There was no opportunity to opt out for students who resided on campus.  Lillehaug thought it unfair that female students were charged for more meals than they could eat.  He brought a petition to the Augustana Board asking for a change in this policy.  The chairmen of the board, now deceased, read Lillehaug the riot act, saying among other things, "you're not old enough to know how the world works."
      Much later Lillehaug told Joanne that that encounter with the Chairman of Augustana's board of Regents was when he decided to become an attorney.  Obviously this was a good decision and he's had a very distinguished career.  When Joanne was doing development work for Lutheran World Relief she recruited Lillehaug to be part of a local steering committee.

   It's June 14, and the corn is planted!  Perhaps there will not be an early frost and it will mature enough to feed wildlife this winter.

Takk for alt,

Al

6/12/2019 Caring Bridge

What is so rare as a day in June?

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 17 minutes ago

Joanne was known to go out on the coldest days with just very light windbreaker.  We'd tease her about her "parka".  Lisa bought her a beautiful Norwegian, knit, cap.  She may have worn it twice and then only if someone talked her into it.  Today was a Joanne, day...66 degrees and bright sun.  It's the kind of weather she loved but too cold for me.
    We made a lot of jokes about the very narrow strip of mutual comfort zone temperatures we shared.  75 degrees was about the top of her zone while 70 was the bottom of mine.  Today could have been warmer for my comfort but it was clearly easily within her range.  Too bad she didn't get to enjoy it.  She would have laughed at my 4 layers but, in my defense, when I left the house it was 58 with a north wind and I was on an open tractor.  Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that I'm in The Little House On The Prairie.
   I successfully plowed the first cornfield this afternoon.  Let's hope it goes as well with the second tomorrow.

Takk for alt

Al
    

6/11/2019 Caring Bridge

The Value of Human Life

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 2 minutes ago

In each issue of the weekly The Economist, is a section of book reviews.  In the June 8th 2019, edition among the books reviewed are, Stalingrad: A Novel, Vasily Grossman, and, Vasily Grossman and the Soviet Century, Alexandra Popoff.  The Economist, says about Grossman, "A newly translated masterpiece confirms Vasily Gossman's status as the second world war's greatest bard."
  To quote further,  "In an article he wrote in 1946 Grossman affirmed: 'There is nothing more precious than human life; its loss is final and irreplaceable.'...Yet as a fine journalist, then a peerless novelist of the horrors of war and tyranny, his destiny was to inhabit times and places that ground up human beings by the million. In his novel 'Stalingrad', which is now only being published in English, the sight of a dying old woman on a bombed out boulevard prompts the anguished question: 'Human suffering. Will it be remembered in centuries to come?' Or will the tears and despair disappear like 'the smoke and dust blown across the steppe by the wind?' Grossman's oeuvre, which includes what may be the greatest fiction of the second world war in any language, has helped salvage that suffering from oblivion."  P. 75
   Before I entered the land of grief I may have read "There is nothing more precious than human life; its loss is final and irreplaceable" without stopping to think about it. With new sensitivity acquired in the land of grief I now recognize this as a powerful affirmation of a profound truth. Learning, learning, learning....

   Trygve has tonsillitis! 

Takk for alt,

Al

Trygve pictured running in the grass.

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6/10/2017 Caring Bridge

Together and Alone

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Today is Saul Bellow's birthday as noted in today's Writer's Almanac.  In the Almanac article about Bellow he is quoted with this response as to why he was still teaching in his 80's.  "You're all alone when you're a writer. Sometimes you just feel you need a humanity bath. Even a ride in the subway will do it but it's much more interesting to talk about books."
    That quote went ricocheting around my brain! 😃  It seems a perfect description of my motivation for continuing to teach school.  The metaphor I've used is needing to "fill my people bladder."  Once I've had a daily encounter with others to fill my people bladder I'm fine home alone.  This need for human contact became clear with Joanne's death and I could no longer rely on conversation with her.  With regularly scheduled school time I have my "humanity bath", it's more interesting than random encounters and I happily return to my introverted aloneness.
    Joanne recognized my introversion and feared that I'd become a social isolate, widower.  What she missed, and I didn't recognize until she'd died, is that relationship with her filled my "people bladder."  Therefore, I needed less social interaction with others.  After her death I recognized that I would need to take initiative to meet my people needs.  This is easily done with family, friends, school, and church.
Even in the land of grief life is good!

Takk for alt.

Al

6/9/2019 Caring Bridge

An Ode to Friends

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

"Friends are family you choose."  While that statement is not original with me I'd modify it like this, "Friends are family that you choose or who choose you."   Some friends have stuck with me for decades, one from earliest childhood.  These are not "old" friends they are "long time friends." 😉 
There is something very sweet about friendship that stretches over the years...it's that shared history phenomena.  These friends have revealed their quality in their care for me in the land of grief.
    Perhaps more remarkable is that, in the 7th decade of my life, I've gained a host of new friends.  Naturally we share less history as recent friends but we have the joy of discovery of common interests and concerns. They, too, have walked compassionately with me in these 14 months in the land of grief.
   With the risk of being too repetitive I'll say again, that it has been the relationships that have aided me to recovery.  Family and "chosen family"...I am so blessed!

Takk for alt,

Al 

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6/8/2019 Caring Bridge

The Distance Grows

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Now I've had two wedding anniversary's since Joanne died.  In a few days it will be 14 moths since her death. About 3 months ago I began to feel like myself again.  The distance from her, as a living presence, grows.  There is ambivalence in this distance. On the one hand, my life in the land of grief has normalized.  On the other hand, there is grief in that growing distance.  
   My grand-niece, Julia,  just graduated from high school and will be going to Gustavus Adolphus College this fall.  This afternoon, family and friends gathered with her to  congratulate her and wish her well.  She's a very fine young women.  Grief was my companion at this joyous occasion.  Of course, Joanne was absent, but so was Richard, Julia's grandfather and my brother, who died at 62, before Julia was born.  Julia and Richard would have been such a wonderful pair.  How sad Richard never met his grandchildren and how sad they never knew him.  It was another of those occasions of 'grief touching grief' even in the midst of joy.
   Richard was born 4 years before I, and was a huge presence in my boyhood.  It's hard to fathom that I am now 18 years older than he, when he died.  All deaths rob the survivor of the mutual, shared history, and with whom is there shared history as with a sibling?
   So, there you have today's report from the land of grief, and, yet, I remain profoundly grateful.

Takk for alt,

Al