6/7/2019 Caring Bridge

June 7, 2019

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

The second time around is easier...the second anniversary since Joanne died.  It was also a good plan to be with family for the evening.  Thanks, too, to Joanne's Norwegian brother Stein, who gave me the correct spelling of the wedding cake, kransekake.  It was Stein who soloed at our wedding and then again at our 50th anniversary party.
   These days of walking in the fields are rejuvenating.  It is hard to imagine the arctic blasts of winter now, with the sun basked fields of grass waving in the wind. A bobolink did the broken wing decoy maneuver,  like killdeer do, when I got to close to her nest...I quickly moved away.  A few rooster pheasants flushed but the hens are nesting so are not to be seen.
   The funniest moment of the day was provided by Trygve.  Lake Joanne, which is over U.S. Highway 81, has risen high enough to flow naturally to Lake Sinai.  The overflow channel is quite narrow, not very deep, but flowing rapidly.  It's perfect water for spawning carp, which Trygve observed. so he went fishing.  He didn't catch any but he sure had fun trying.  Typical of springers he loves water. 


Takk for alt,

Al

Pictures from a grassy hill.

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6/6/2019 Caring Bridge

June 6, 1964...June 6, 2019

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

"You haven't changed a bit" and other lies...You, mean, I was old, fat and grey 55 years ago?😁   Much happened in those 55 years and 'you can't take that away from me.'  So many good memories and a few embarrassing ones that now, only I know.
    The weather today is like it was 55 years ago, sunny and warm.  On Sunday I graduated from Augustana college and Saturday, same week, we were married...at the church where I lived.😋  Yes, for a year I lived in an apartment in First Lutheran Church, Sioux Falls.  It was a good arrangement for a student. In addition to assisting the custodian I locked up an night and provided night time security.  Getting to my wedding was simple.😊 
  Joanne was living in the head resident apartment at Bergsaker Hall, the first co-ed dorm, at Augustana.  We lived there the first two months of our married life, managing the dorm and I had mail room duties too. In addition to her duties as head resident, Joanne, was the first Director of Student Activities and instructor in psychology.
   It was an evening wedding, 7:00 p.m., with a punch, cake and coffee reception in the church fellowship hall.  In addition to the standard wedding cake we also had the Norwegian Krunskake (this may not be the correct spelling.)  It's almond flavored and made it rings so it is tall standing cone.  The  Krunskake was in my apartment for a day before the wedding and my mother-in-law was fearful of ants contaminating it.  Though, I'd never seen an ant the apartment, I arose in the middle of the night to put out the ant poison which I'd promised but forgotten to do.
   There wasn't much time for a honeymoon.  Joanne had accepted a job as a counselor at St. Louis Park, MN., High School, on the condition that she would have a Minnesota State License.  She lacked one graduate course to qualify so she had registered for it at The University of South Dakota, Vermilion.  Classes began for her the Monday after our wedding.  With time so short we went to a Holiday Inn in Sioux City for one night...how romantic was that?
    When we returned to our dormitory apartment mice had invaded.  They had short sheeted the bed, switched salt and sugar, put plastic under the toilet seat and set red jello in the bathtub. Now, who would think of doing such a thing?
    Yes, a few of my memories....

   With my fields too wet to work I've been walking in my grassland.  It is fun to see meadowlarks, brown thrashers, bobolinks, red-wing and yellow-headed blackbirds, morning doves, field sparrows, canada geese with goslings, mallards, teal, cormorants, and one monarch.

Takk for alt,

Al

6/5/2019 Caring Bridge

I Have a Plan

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

A very wise widow in "my" congregation said that the anticipating of events that may trigger grief is often worse than the event itself.  That is true to my experience.  Yet, I also find it helpful to make a plan so that the grief doesn't sneak up on me on those special days.
   Fifty-five years ago tomorrow, i.e., June 6, 1964, Joanne and I were married at First Lutheran Church, Sioux Falls, S.D.  I have a plan for tomorrow.  Most times I'm here in The Little House On The Prairie my S.D. family gathers for dinner one evening.  As the de facto convener of these family dinners I decided to do it on my anniversary so I'll not be alone.  Yes, that's my plan.
   
    My corn fields, wildlife food plots, are still to wet to plant.  

Takk for alt,

Al

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6/4/2018 Caring Bridge

First thing...

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

It happened again today, a phenomenon I first recognized in the 1960's.  Driving from Minneapolis west toward The Little House on the Prairie, about mid-way across Minnesota, I'm aware of being more comfortable, at peace, and my chest is less constricted. It was first apparent to me when I'd drive MN Highway 19, west of Redwood Falls.  The change in terrain is so subtle that I only noticed it sub-consciously but from there west it is more like my home prairie.  We purchased a 15th floor condo in Minneapolis so I would have a vista and I love it, but, it's not the prairie.
    Before I go to the Little House on each visit here, I first visit Joanne at her/our cemetery.  Today I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the cut flowers I set out before Memorial Day still retain their color.  They've dried maintaining their natural beauty which is very pleasing.  With them still looking good I did not retrieve the vase happy that the foundation for her stone provides a good shelf for them.  This all refreshes my gratitude for her clear desire to be buried here.  Sometimes I tarry along time and at other times make a brief stop but she is so easy to visit when I'm here.  Today I shared the news of Richard Andersen's death...Joanne loved Richard.

Takk for alt,

Al

Joanne's dried flowers are pictured.

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6/3/2019 Caring Bridge

Ancillary grievers.

Journal entry by Al Negstad — 1 minute ago

Henri Nouwen once said something like "No one reaches old age without have their heart broken."  To say this in another way, every older person lives in the land of grief.  When Joanne said "grief touches grief" I understood that she meant when we encounter new losses (grief) the resident grief we carry rises to meet the new absence, perhaps making the whole greater than the sum of its parts.
   Continuing to cogitate on the deaths of Tim Fisher and Richard Anderson, (see last night's blog), from my place in the land of grief, I've been reflecting on ancillary grievers.  On my desk is a picture of a family gathering taken when I was a baby in grandma's arms.  Of the 26, of us in the picture 6, survive. Included in the deceased are my mother (dad was taking the picture and, he too, is deceased) and 2, of my three siblings.  Much later Joanne 'came into the picture ' and she too, along with others not pictured, are dead.  Everyone of those deaths went into 'my pool of grief'.
   When death occurs we naturally focus much of our sympathetic attention on the surviving parent, spouse, sibling or child.  This is both natural and, as it should be.  However, every death also has ancillary grievers, nieces/nephews, aunts/uncles, cousins and other family members. Today I'm particularly thinking of bereaved friends. Joanne, Tim and Richard were all blessed with deep friendships and each of those friends suffer real grief...more grief added to the pool they carry.  In my journey in the land of grief I've been buoyed by the support of Joanne's friends who also carry on in their own land of grief. 

   On a lighter note: I concluded teaching today, finishing To Kill A Mockingbird, with a group of 6th grade students. (see picture).


Takk for alt,

Al

Pictures:  The family photograph and a 'sefie' with the 6th grade readers.

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6/2/2019 Caring Bridge

Puzzled By Grief

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Richard Andersen's death coming so soon after Tim Fisher's, (see last night's post) has exacerbated my feelings of grief over losing Joanne.  Richard and Tim shared  many traits; competence, compassion, kindness, passion for justice, integrity, personal warmth, and much more.  Though Richard was a generation older than Tim, they both made a huge difference in this world.
   Why do their deaths make me feel more keenly the grief of Joanne's death?  I've long recognized that grief touches grief (in fact this was Joanne's phrase) but I don't understand the full dynamic of that experience.  Joanne knew, respected, and loved both Tim and Richard, and would be in deep grief over their deaths.  These are deaths that we would grieve together and that has some impact on my current state.
   Lacking understanding of the dynamic doesn't change the reality that the presence of absence has been more painful in the wake of these recent deaths.  Journeying through the land of grief continues to confront me with realities I don't understand.   The best I can do is try to name what I am feeling.

Takk for alt,

Al

Historical PS:  On this day in 1865, the Civil War formally ended.  No, I did not fight in the Civil War as some wags have suggested, the picture is from my service and a clue to my identity is I have a rifle and am wearing a helmet.

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6/1/2019 Caring Bridge

Richard Andersen

Journal entry by Al Negstad — a minute ago

Tuning in to Facebook today my heart cracked when I read, "After consultation with Richard Andersen's physician at Honor Health Center is Scottsdale, Richard's siblings and I have come to the realization that Richard, Lutheran  pastor, husband to Patrick, beloved to his family and friend to many is rapidly approaching the end of his incredible life of limitless kindness and generosity.  Richard suffered severe irreparable brain damage due to oxygen deprivation during cardiac arrest. He is comatose and only a mechanical ventilator is allowing him to live. Early next week the ventilator will be removed and our beloved Richard will pass away at age 73 and join the saints who have gone before him."
   Indeed  he was a man of "limitless kindness and generosity" and thousands of us will grieve his death.   To those of you who knew him and loved him, words fail to express the depth of his loss, to those who didn't know him, he was the embodiment of grace, kindness and integrity matched only by his competence in everything to which he turned his  hand.😒 😢   
   The world will be poorer!  

Takk for alt,

Al

Pictured: Some of my students outside during a fire drill.  They are therapeutic for me as I navigate the land of grief.  I hope to re-connect with them next year.  4 are in 5th grade and 3 in 6th.

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