To Be, Not Destroyed.

“Grief can destroy you --or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see that it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.”
― Dean Koontz, Odd Hours

       Even in the crushing first hours, days, weeks after Joanne's death, at some deep level, I knew I'd survive and find meaning again. And, I have. Koontz is correct "...you can recognize that every moment of it (relationship)  had more meaning than you dared recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider  the sacredness of it."

    Living absorbs our energy and , while we value relationships, the depth and sacredness escapes us in the moment. When death intervenes we then realize the depth of experiences in their loss. Visible from my chair as I write this is a picture of us, Joanne and me, taken in the lounge of the Hurtigruten as we traveled  down the coast of Norway.  We'd agreed that it was one of our best trips and hoped to repeat it, which we cannot do. The full meaning of the moment only now fully appreciated as the sacred time it was.

Takk for alt,

Al