Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 23, 2018
Something in my day caused me to think about an encounter with friends soon after Joanne's death. Remembering that lunch conversation gives me a marker, to get some sense of the road I've traveled in this land of grief. On that day grief was raw, tears came easily and the grief was so powerful it was almost overwhelming. As I visualize that experience I can feel the intensity of pain that inhabited me then. It is easy to relive that moment.
Comparing that time to now reveals how I've found a home in the land of grief. There are moments when the presence of absence is like an arrow in my side. However, there are less of those moments. Perhaps now it is less sharp pain, though there is that, and more dull ache...an emptiness that cannot be filled.
It simply doesn't feel right that there is life without her. Everyday brings experiences, events, news, that she would enjoy. Denial is tempting; just move on, don't look back and embrace life as it comes. But, no, I will not choose that path. I will live as best I can in the land of grief, accepting the ache and pain, with gratitude for all the gifts we had together, and for the companionship of so many who walk with me.
Blessings,
Al
Pictured with Maren
Comparing that time to now reveals how I've found a home in the land of grief. There are moments when the presence of absence is like an arrow in my side. However, there are less of those moments. Perhaps now it is less sharp pain, though there is that, and more dull ache...an emptiness that cannot be filled.
It simply doesn't feel right that there is life without her. Everyday brings experiences, events, news, that she would enjoy. Denial is tempting; just move on, don't look back and embrace life as it comes. But, no, I will not choose that path. I will live as best I can in the land of grief, accepting the ache and pain, with gratitude for all the gifts we had together, and for the companionship of so many who walk with me.
Blessings,
Al
Pictured with Maren
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