Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — 25 minutes ago
Living alone in 'the land of grief' has taken on a certain normalcy, which I take as good news. My routines are comfortably fixed and I'm a routine person. Recognizing my need for people time I've been able to structure my time to have significant face to face time. Teaching four mornings a week gives structure that is helpful, and gives me feelings of usefulness. Teaching is also fun as I get to hang out with delightful 5th and 6th graders, as we read good books together. Joanne's increasing physical limitations prepared me for many of the realities of fending for myself. Family and friends have given me aid and comfort in myriad ways. To the amazement of some I seem to manage without adult supervision. Yes, in many ways life is good.
With all that is good what could be bad news? Everything in that previous paragraph is true and therein lies a conundrum. I feel bad about it! Yes, the feeling of leaving Joanne behind as I move on with life seems wrong. Why can't she remain as present as she was those first weeks? It doesn't seem right, it doesn't feel right, to leave her behind. This discomforts me! I've never lost a spouse before, but it just doesn't seem fair to her. It makes me sad to be moving on without her.
Blessings,
Al
With all that is good what could be bad news? Everything in that previous paragraph is true and therein lies a conundrum. I feel bad about it! Yes, the feeling of leaving Joanne behind as I move on with life seems wrong. Why can't she remain as present as she was those first weeks? It doesn't seem right, it doesn't feel right, to leave her behind. This discomforts me! I've never lost a spouse before, but it just doesn't seem fair to her. It makes me sad to be moving on without her.
Blessings,
Al
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