10/27/2018 Caring Bridge

Tenderfoot

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — 19 minutes ago

      One of the perks of volunteering at school is that sometimes I get to go on field trips with the students.  Several of those trips have been to the amusement park, Valley Fair.  Roller coasters are fun, though I did decide on my last trip to Valley Fair when I rode the Steel Venom, I wouldn't do that again.  
      Today marked my first trip to a genuine water park, Great Wolf Lodge. This seemed a good place to celebrate a decade birthday for one family member.  The slides, although much shorter, are as good as a roller coaster.  My bulk on the family slide upped the speed significantly, one advantage to being fat. 😉   The only down side was my tender feet.  After a bout of plantar fasciitis years ago I was told to always walk with arch support, which I do even around the house so I never go barefoot. My tender feet could only stand a few trips up the stairs to the water slides.  
      Joanne would not have been able to participate given her back problems.  In my imagination, I could see her on the edge of the pool cheering us on.  A few years ago at the state fair, she and S.M., went down the giant water slide.  Extrapolating from that, I'm guessing that a few years ago she'd have been game for the slides today.

Blessings,

Al

Look at the sparkle in my students eyes!

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10/26/2018 Caring Bridge

Joanne's "corner"

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — 23 hours ago

     This three bedroom condo is larger than I need, but I don't have the drive to move.  Joanne's recliner was in a corner of the 'great room', combination living room dining room.  There she had a view of activities in that room and the kitchen as well.  She also faced the TV which she used to follow the news and, of course, Rachel Madow.  If there's anyplace that has her 'essence' it's the corner where her recliner sits unused.
     This evening I turned the TV on to watch a bit of volleyball.  Volleyball is a sport we both loved.  Sitting in "her" corner revved up the presence of absence.  These days it seems her presence is like a hum in the background...always there but not always noticed.  It is things like using her corner that bring that absence to the foreground.  When conscious of absence it seems as wrong as ever.  Perhaps that's just reality; it's wrong and it will always be wrong in the land of grief.

Blessings,

Al

Pic. 1 kilometer to my house. 😁 

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10/25/2018 Caring Bridge

Relationships

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 25, 2018

   In conversation today with a long time, not old, friend we discussed the significance of relationships at this stage of life.  Relationships are what gave me hope in the deepest pit of despair as I began life in the land of grief.  Connection with people is what was meaningful, and much more significant than words.  Being in touch with far flung friends was what brought me to Norway.  In that conversation today, I repeated a statement I've often made, "the best thing about me is my friends."
     He asked about my volunteer teaching and was fascinated with my connection with elementary students.  My volunteer gig is the best imaginable, hanging out with eager students, in small groups, while reading books.  No preparation is required from me, and if I want to go on a trip, the students remain in their classroom until I return.  Another gift of this volunteering is the structure it provides for my life, as I go to school four mornings a week.  This, too, is about relationships; with students, teachers and other staff...the school is a community for me, an important component of life in the land of grief. 


Blessings,

Al

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10/24/2018 Caring Bridge

Memories

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 24, 2018

Some years ago when I was doing some work with students at the seminary one of the students, tired of answering my questions about other students, told me to get on Facebook.  That's my excuse for Facebooking.  Today when I opened the Facebook page a reminder picture popped up from 2008.
   The picture shows Joanne and me standing by the Danube River in Budapest.  We had flown to Budapest, spent some days there, took the train to Vienna for some days, and then flew home from Budapest.  In Budapest we stayed in a boutique hotel in the city center and enjoyed exploring the city.  
   In Vienna we found a B & B, very near the Opera House.  I was newly retired so we were in Vienna at Easter.  We first attended and Easter Service in an opulent Catholic Church and then went to a small English Speaking Lutheran Church.  Vienna was easy to explore via public transpiration. 
   We were also planning to visit Bratislava, Slovakia.   However, Joanne needed to respond to some work crisis at home so we didn't make that visit.  Flying home early did create a little adventure for me.  We flew to Amsterdam together on our way home.  From Amsterdam to America she got a seat on a flight that left earlier than mine.  Because I was on stand-by, I took what was available.  Imagine a 747 with 3 seats on each side and 4 in the middle.  I was in the middle section.  Seated on my right was a young mother with 1 year old daughter in her lap.  On my left were young parents with a 30 month old boy on their laps.  "Well, isn't this interesting" I thought.  A concept from one of Parker Palmer's books came to mind.  Palmer said "If you can't get out of it, get into it."  With that in mind I decided the best thing I could do is play surrogate grandpa, which I did, and we all had a good flight.
   Without Joanne here with whom to reminisce about the picture, trip, and flight home I decided to tell you. 

Blessings

Al

1.  The picture that prompted the remembering.
2.  The House of Hapsburg...which I've occasionally posted saying it's The Little House On The Prairie 😉

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10/23/2018 Caring Bridge

Now

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 23, 2018

Something in my day caused me to think about an encounter with friends soon after Joanne's death.  Remembering that lunch conversation gives me a marker, to get some sense of the road I've traveled in this land of grief.  On that day grief was raw, tears came easily and the grief was so powerful it was almost overwhelming.  As I visualize that experience I can feel the intensity of pain that inhabited me then.  It is easy to relive that moment.
       Comparing that time to now reveals how I've found a home in the land of grief.  There are moments when the presence of absence is like an arrow in my side.  However, there are less of those moments.  Perhaps now it is less sharp pain, though there is that, and more dull ache...an emptiness that cannot be filled.
       It simply doesn't feel right that there is life without her.  Everyday brings experiences, events, news, that she would enjoy.  Denial is tempting; just move on, don't look back and embrace life as it comes.  But, no, I will not choose that path.  I will live as best I can in the land of grief, accepting the ache and pain, with gratitude for all the gifts we had together, and for the companionship of so many who walk with me. 

Blessings,

Al

Pictured with Maren

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10/22/2018 Caring Bridge

Still Empty

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 22, 2018

At breakast this morning I tried to have a bit of Norway so I lit a candle and opened the one liter package of gjetost I brought home.  When Joanne and I traveled Norway we would buy a loaf of heavy dark bread, a jar of strawberry jam and gjetost for our meals.  Eating out in Norway is so expensive that natives seldom do it and we did fine with our bread based dinning.
     Breakfast today would have been much better if her chair were not still empty.  This recent Norway excursion was one after Joanne's heart.  Had she been with me we would have had many "remember when"  conversations recalling our previous trips, the first of which was in 1990.  With Berger we drove through the Olso University Campus where Joanne attended summer school in 1957, her first trip to Norway.  We also drove by the house on Dalsveien. where Hansons lived while they founded the American Lutheran Congregation, Oslo.  That neighborhood has changed dramatically as the large yards now have houses instead of grass.
    Yes, we'd have much to talk about but instead there is the presence of absence in this land of grief.

Blessings,

Al

10/21/2018 Caring Bridge

Ya, then....

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 21, 2018

    It's a little unsettling to have breakfast in Norway and lunch in Minneapolis, but that was my day.  Frequent jaunts to Asia make flying to Europe seem brief. 😉  Flying time gave me an opportunity to reflect on the trip and these are some of my thoughts.
    As I wondered why it was such a positive experience several realities came to mind.  First, it was the fulfillment of Joanne's wish...it felt as if I was on her mission and that heartened me.  Second, the friends I visited are persons who have been important to us for many years; since the early '60s. Then there is the fact that they knew and loved Joanne, so now they also inhabit the land of grief.  Very significant is that they all are gracious hosts allowing me the feeling of total comfort in their presence.  They are the 'salt of the earth' and it's a gift to be in their presence.  Norway, the land of all my grandparents, has special meaning to me.  My use of Norwegian is like my use of Thai; I know some vocabulary and stock phrases but will never speak either language.
     There was a bit of trepidation as I approached this trip which I don't fully understand.  It is certainly moot now, as I bask in the glow of ten wonderful days.  It was funny..my trepidation...because I've been travelling Asia solo for years. 
    Travelling with out my phone didn't significantly impact the trip.  The rest of the story about its absence, became clear today when I found it on the floor by my desk.  After reading a text message the day I left I put it in my pocket as I sat at the computer.  Because I was sitting it wasn't in my pocket securely and fell out when I stood up. But my friends came through and took pictures for me.  
    My plane landed  about noon today, L picked me up at the airport and then we went to lunch.  That lunch was an important transition to being home.  Originally I'd planned to take the light rail from the airport. But it was very helpful to share stories and prepare for being alone, a lesson I will try to remember in the future.


Blessings,

Al

1. 900 year old church is used every Sunday.
2. Bronze age stone carvings, some figures wear horned helmets.

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10/20/2018 Caring Bridge

Toward Home

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 20, 2018

      It's a monastic size room I'm in, in the Sandefjord Motor Hotel, near the airport from which I fly at 6:30 a.m., but it's all I need.  Breakfast at 4:30 will allow me to eat before my 5:00 taxi.  It's been a rich, full day as Stein acted as a wonderful tour guide. First, we drove to Sweden which I could enter without passport...the only time I have showed my passport was when I landed in Amsterdam.  Returning from Sweden we saw stone carvings from the bronze age...Vikings did not wear helmets with horns but bronze age people did...and burial sites from the iron age.  The 900 year old church we visited has services every Sunday.  With a walking tour we saw the walled medieval city Fredriksten, named for King Fredrick V(?).  A stop at Stein's church provided a fine cap to the tour.
     A fire in 1948 burned the church which was then rebuilt.  We entered the church to find choirs rehearsing for a concert this evening.  There were 100, children in the children's choir, 80, in the youth choir, all singing fine choral music, accompanied by organ.  We sat for a long time enjoying the good music which was sung with precision and enthusiasm.  Stein is emphatic the church life in Norway is not dead.   As one example of evidence he lists all of the activities sponsored by this congregation of 9000.
     After dinner, and, one more coffee at the coffee table, Stein drove me to Sandefjord, which is across the Oslo Fjord from Moss, which is a bit north of Fredrikstad.  We took a ferry across the fjord or else we would have needed to drive north through Oslo.  (Get your maps out. 😉)
    This trip has been all I had hoped and much more...a real balm for my soul.  Joanne's encouragement to make the trip was/is a huge gift.  It's comforting to know that it's something she was excited about.  O, how I wish I could tell her the stories, but, in the land of grief that is not to be.

Blessings,

Al

1. Standing with one foot in Norway and the other in Sweden
2. Choir rehearsal.

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10/19/2018 Caring Bridge

Fredrikstad

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 19, 2018

         Joanne had three Norwegian "brothers", young men, sons of her parent's friends who came to America to go to college in the early 60s.  Two of them stayed for a year, Berger who attend St. Olaf, and Einer who went to Concordia.  Stein, the third "brother" stayed four years until he graduated from Gustavus Adolphus.  He sang at our wedding and also at our 50th anniversary event, which he attended with his wife, Astri.  Einer and Berger also came for our 50th.  While these men were studying in America, Joanne's parent's home was their 'home away from home.'
       Today I left the marvelous hospitality of Knut and Borghild at Arendal and took the train to Stein's, at Fredrikstad.  Stein, now retired from his position as the President of the Norwegian Bible Society, may be the most traveled person I know.  With typical Norwegian understatement he said, "I've traveled a bit."  Well, not only has he visited 90 countries, he's been in many of them many times.  As an example of his travels, yesterday he returned from his 6th trip to Cuba.
   As Arendal sits on the southwest coast of the Oslo Fjord, Fredrikstad sits on the southeast coast about an half hour from Sweden.  Both cities have been shipping and ship building centers for hundreds of years.  On a short driving excursion tonight we visited a church built 900 years ago, which still holds worship services every Sunday.  Stein preached there one Easter.  At the conclusion of the service the congregation adjourned to the adjoining cemetery to sing Easter hymns.  I was reminded of our congregation singing 'happy birthday' to Joanne this Easter, her birthday, and her remark when we played the recording for her, "I never knew dying could be so glorious."
       It's becoming clear to me that this trip is a testimony, a salute to Joanne.  In conversation with Joanne, when I mentioned the possibility of a trip to Norway, she enthusiastically responded "Oh, I hope you go! I want you to stay in touch with our friends."    Joanne, I took you seriously, and the experience is wonderful.  What a gift for me, to marry into these relationships!   I am truly blessed!

Blessings,

Al

10/18/2018 Caring Bridge

Goodbye, Maren

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 18, 2018

When Joanne and I were here three years ago and we said goodbye to Maren, who was then in her nineties, Maren said "If you don't meet again in this life we will in the next."  As we drove away, Joanne and I said to each other, "With Maren's age we wonder if we will see her again."  Now Maren is 94, and Joanne died 6, months ago.  Leaving Maren today was very emotional, the saddest I have felt on this trip...the powerful presence of absence.
     Maren had quite a career.  After graduating from Concordia College, she got her MSW Degree at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.  She then founded the Master Of Social Work degree program at the University of Stavanger.  After 7, years on that faculty she moved to the University of Trondheim, where she also founded the Master Of Social Work degree program. She taught there until her retirement, when she moved to Arendal, near her home.  She's still providing community leadership, agitating the local politicians to turn the vacant Seaman's School into a senior citizen center.
     Maren is the matriarch of a large family.  These days I've been guest in the home of Borghild and Knut Ellingsen.  Borghild is Maren's niece.  Three years ago they built a house on the SE corner of the Island of Hisoy, which is connected to Arendal by a bridge.  From their windows the view is of some uninhabited islands beyond which is open sea until Denmark.  With the sun shining brightly today, the view was spectacular.        Borghild teaches Norwegian as a second language to immigrant children in a public school.  Knut, is  the third generation owner of a store which sells household fabrics; blankets, bedding, towels, etc., and also window treatments.  The rise of large superstores and online shopping has significantly restricted his business.  
    Each day ends with coffee around the coffee table.  We've been eating dinner in town each night because there is a special deal with cooperating restaurants; 100 Kroner meal, per person (8.2 Kroner to 1$). Tonight their son, Oystin, and daughter-in-law, Mathilde, joined us for dinner.  When Oystin and I visited Maren she was remembering when Knut, Borghild and their 2, youngest children visited us in Golden Valley.  Oystin, then age 3, enjoyed playing with our dog, Bjorn.  Tonight as we were having our evening coffee Knut brought out the travel book and found the picture of them with us in our house.  Oystin is in my lap and Bjorn sits next to us.  Oystin is now 6'6" tall.  
   Tomorrow I will take the train to Fredrickstad, my final stop.

Blessings,



A note about Borghild; every week since she was 16, she has gone swimming in the fjord.  She even does it when she has to break ice to get to the water!

1. With the family after dinner.
2. With the swimmer. 

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10/17/2108 Caring Bridge

A New Story

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 17, 2018

It's always a gift to be with people who knew and loved Joanne.  It's a special gift when they tell me stories about her and best ever when it is a new story to me.  Maren was in college with Joanne and she told me one yesterday.  Maren came as student to Concordia College, Moorhead, MN., when she was slightly older.  She combined her studies at Concordia with being the head resident of a women's dormitory.  The dormitory was new and visitors to the campus were often interested in seeing a room.  Maren said, "I would always show them Joanne's and J's room because I always knew it would be presentable."   
     This is one more small detail about Joanne's life and one that is very consistent with her life long pattern of neatness.  Maren and I have had many laughs these days as we recall events of the past.  Maren, J and Joanne were scheduled to travel together in the late summer of '63, but Joanne 'bailed' on them when I invited her to join a young adult group going to Holden Village.  Maren and J got their revenge for this slight.  While Joanne and I were on our honeymoon they 'prepared' our apartment for our return.  We came back to the head residents apartment, Bergsaker Hall, Augustana College, i.e., our apartment, to find: jello set in the bathtub, salt in the sugar bowl and sugar in the salt shaker, plastic wrap over the toilet bowl...you get the idea.  Maren laughed heartily as I reminded her but she didn't apologize.  Perhaps that was because Joanne had ditched them.  😁 
    Maren's '94, broke her shoulder recently so she's in a rehab center but due to be released Friday.  She is full of sparkle and her memory is totally intact.   I'm blessed to have this time with Maren who was very important in Joanne's life.  In previous visits we stayed with Maren in her home on the island of Hisoy, connected to Arendal by a bridge.  That house was built in 1750 and was on the waterfront; originally built by a ship's captain.  With a bit of imagination you can conger images of the antique furniture in the house; ceramic stove, ancient clock, etc.

Blessings,

Al

Pictured with Maren.

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10/16/2018 Caring Bridge

Arendal, Norway

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 16, 2018

         It was a 7, hour trip by train from Brumundal to Arendal, and it was beautiful.  With the trees in full color, the bright yellow birch, oak leaves in red interspersed with the green evergreens, blue sky and water so still it mirrored the shorelines...I would have taken too many pictures had I a camera.  It's imprinted in my memory.
         Yesterday was a memory trip in Oslo.  Else Malme, and her husband were missionaries from Norway to India in the '30s and '40s.  With the German occupation of Norway during WWII, they were not able to take their furlough in Norway during the war, so they went to St. Paul, MN., instead.  There they became friends with Joanne's parents.  When Joanne's dad went to Norway to found the American Lutheran Church, Oslo, the family lived with members of Else's family.
       When Joanne and I began visiting Norway in the early '90s, Else gave us the use of her apartment, and she stayed with her sister.  That apartment, which we drove by yesterday, is only a few blocks from Berger's daughter, Live's condo.  Berger and I met Live's children at their school and walked them home crossing the same sidewalk I used when I was staying at Else's place.
      Berger,  Ellen and I, ended our Oslo visit at Berger's sister's and husband's place.  They, Britt & Torleiv, have been guests in our home in MN and we've been in their home several times.  It was over coffee at their house, that I became acutely conscious of how blessed I am to have been, "brought to Norway" by L, studying here, and all of Joanne's connections. 
     This brings me to why I am in Arendal...but that I will save for tomorrow.

Blessings,

al

1.Standing with Eva, Berger's granddaughter in front of her 4 story school.
2. With Knut, my host in Arendal, Maren's nephew-in-law.

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Caring Bridge 10/15/2018

Oslo

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 15, 2018

     Today was a wonderful time in, and about, Oslo, including time with special friends.  It has filled me with deep gratitude that the combination of L studying here, with Joanne's many connections, brought me to Norway, 5, times with Joanne and now alone.  
    It is late now and I will board a train for Arendal at 8:45 a.m.  The train ride will give me time to do a much more complete report on today's trip to Oslo. We hiked, had coffee, pizza with Berger's daughter and grand children and coffee with his sister.   Tune in tomorrow for more details.

Blessings,

Al

Picture:  I'm standing at the fogged in top of the Holmenkollen Ski Jump.

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10/14/2018 Caring Bridge

Sunday pics

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 14, 2018

Picture one is the glass structure protecting the ruins of the church built in 1152.  Picture two is my punishment for misbehaving in church.

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10/14/2018 Caring Bridge

Sunday

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 14, 2018

Attending church at the Domkirke, Hamar, I gather the pastor took the side of Lazarus, in the story with the rich man.  Berger said the church is not very old, about 150 years!  It's all relative, is it not?  The church has the only chancel painting in Norway, that includes a horse; Hans Nielsen Hauge's conversion (see   picture) while he was plowing.  There were three baptisms so many women in bunads.   The view from the steps of the church sweeps down a block or two and then out over Lake Mjosa.
       After a coffee stop (see picture) we walked the shore of Lake Mjosa to the ruins of a church, built in 1152, the ruins of which are now enclosed in glass.  After days of clouds and fog, finally the sun came out today so the views were spectacular.  The walking path separates the fancy houses from the lake shore.
       With all the fancy restaurants closed on Sunday we found a "Thai" place open.  When I tried out my rudimentary Thai on the proprietor, she quickly confessed that she was not Thai, but was from Hong Kong.   It was inexpensive by Norwegian standards.
       The day ended with a visit to Berger's cousin, Berger Langmoen, on their grandparents farm, which his cousin farms.  Quite the house; when asked how may bedrooms in the house, the occupant Berger said, he didn't know because there are 4, floors including the basement.  The farm is on a hill above Brumunddal with a spectacular view of the city.   


Blessings,

Al

1. Domkirke with Hans Nielsen Hauge's horse.
2. Always time for coffee.

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10/13/2018 Caring Bridge

How un-American....

Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — Oct 13, 2018

     Living off the largess of Ellen and Berger, I thought the least I could do is take them out for a meal.  To that end, I proposed I treat them to brunch after church tomorrow.  Thinking this was a good idea they began brainstorming places we go to eat.  Then they began calling, and after a fruitless hour, they had not found a place that was open on Sunday!  How un-American I thought...Norway, is indeed a foreign country!
    Berger and I delivered a load of firewood to his hitte, (cabin) which in reality is more of a hus (house).  It sleeps 16?, has multiple rooms, is loaded with antique furniture, has a great view, according to Berger, but was fogged in today, and is near great cross country ski trails.  It's near the original Birkebiner, ski race.  
     When Berger explained the ownership of the hitte my prejudice showed itself.  He explained that he, with six friends had inherited it from a childless widow whom they cared for.  With carefully written rules they have stayed in this cooperative endeavor since 1970.  Naively, I thought, 'how nice, these five guys have made this work all these years.'  In the hitte there is a picture of there of the seven.  Much to my surprise the group is co-ed, 3 women and 4 men!  Egalitarian Norway should not surprise me, but......😕 
    Driving back to Brumunddal we visited Lillehammer, which I'd last visited in 1990, well before the Olympics.  L, Joanne and I had stayed in a pensjonate in February that year on our first mutual trip to Norway.  The gogata (walking street) brought back memories from that initial vist.  Today, we did not climb the steps up the ski jump.
   Ya, then.....

Blessings,

Al
1.  In front of the Hitte
2.  Inside the Hitte
3.     "       "     "
4.     "       "     "
5.  The world's tallest wood structure in the background, a hotel/condo in Brumunddal.

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