Iris Murdoch writes...

"He (Monty) must, he thought, now somehow switch himself off or else move on into some new and even more awful mode of being. But even as he composed himself into slit-eyed immobility and called upon the stillness beyond stillness where the fretful struggle of self and other is eternally laid at rest, he knew that he could not thus achieve what was needful. Such wisdom as he owned had told him that he could only survive his grief by giving into it entirely, and though that way might seem to lead into madness there still appeared to be no alternative." P. 201 The Sacred and Profane Love Machine
      Monty is grieving the recent death of his wife, Sophie. He's tortured with many regrets and seems to have been totally unprepared for bereavement. He's correct in thinking "...he could only survive his grief by giving into it entirely..." Parker Palmer was terrified of heights. In an Outward Bound course he was rappelling down a cliff when he panicked and froze. His instructor called up to him "Parker, if you can't get out of it, get into it." That captures my understanding of grief..."if you can't get out of it, get into it."
      With Joanne's diagnosis of terminal cancer and subsequent death I did my best to "give into it." Raw, excruciatingly painful, seemingly hopeless grief overwhelmed me. Family and friends stood by, writing helped me focus my feelings and I was buoyed by the online community that developed. Now the presence of absence in the land of grief is an ache but counterbalanced by other gifts of life. It seems to me that it was the right decision to avoid any form of denial.

Company's coming and I so I did what any host might do; I cleaned house! 😀

Takk for alt,

Al

Several times a week I visit Joanne's grave.