STUG: Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief

    Occasionally the daily paper, Minneapolis Star Tribune, will insert a special section aimed at geezers like me. Given a patronizing title, today, THE GOOD LIFE; LIVING BETTER, LIVING LONGER, it's primarily an advertising blitz with an article or two to justify its existence.
    In the section today there was an article on STUG: Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief. There are times when a bereaved person will get so slammed with sudden and unexpected experience of grief it overwhelms them for a period to time. This has not been my experience yet. Yet, because some grievers have experienced it as long as ten years after the death of their beloved.
     One paragraph in the article I found  particularly clarifying. "The process of grief involves the survivor's new search and acquisition of experiences to live a healthy and full life in the new world without the loved one's physical presence. Grief helps a person to resolve--i.e., re-solve the way the worlds works, requiring adoption of new ways of being in that world and reinvesting in it to compensate and adapt for the loved one's absence.
   "Grief guides a person toward revising the assumptive world ad the way markers of self- identification are discerned and employed." Jackson Rainer, author.

     "...requiring adoption of new ways of being in that world and reinvesting in it to compensate and adapt for the loved one's absence."  Yes, this is the essence of adjusting to life in the land of grief. Now I live, admittedly a good life, without the benefit of daily interactions with Joanne. That is a huge adjustment to a very different reality. Graving deeply was integral to preparation for reinvestment in life as one newly single. For 25 years I was single, for 54 years I was coupled and now for almost 2 years single again.

     Here's another paragraph from the article that I think is very helpful.
     "Finally, remember that the word "closure" is never relevant in the loss of a loved one. If we have loved another intimately, grief does not lead us to forget. Rather, the process facilitates resolution, clarity and meaning...."

Takk for alt,

Al