"A grace."

    Something is important for awhile, then gets put on a shelf, but when pulled off and opened, reveals new insights. Winter Grief, Summer Grace: Returning to Life After a Loved One Dies, James E. Miller was helpful to me in the immediate aftermath of Joanne's death. Then I moved on and it sat with other books about grief. Sue's request for a title brought me back to it.
   In returning I found sections that didn't resonate at first are now filled with meaning.  An example of which is what I quoted in last night's blog. And, now this......

     "This new life blooming within you grows out of all you have undergone, all you have done,
This summertime of your grief does not just arrive on its own; you invite it to come.
You summon it by making your way through all your pain,
  so that you can welcome what lies on the far side of pain:
    the possibility of thanksgiving and hope.
You encourage this experience of summer
  as you face your fears and your doubts, the silence and the aloneness.
Because then you can greet what is taking hold within you:
   your fortitude and faith, your inner strength and outer awareness.
This new life of yours also has another source, a larger one.
For while you invited this change, you did not by yourself create it.
While you nurtured it, you are not responsible for its birth.
It comes to you as a gift.
A grace."  P. 51.

   Yes, certainly,  "It comes to you as a gift.
A grace."  

   When Joanne died my decision, to embrace the grief and pain, has served me well. Keeping this blog alive has been a significant factor in my recovery as it has created a virtual community giving me companionship in the land of grief. The blog has also disciplined me to identify my feelings so that I can articulate for others what I'm experiencing.  Yes, indeed it comes as gift, this new life.

    Those little things........  When Lars was living in Chicago, Joanne and made numerous trips to visit, 9 the year Evy was born. She and I agreed that Culvers was the best of the fast food places on that route. We both appreciated the option of green beans as side so there was a healthy alternative to french fries. Recently Culvers has added steamed broccoli as an option. For the first time since broccoli was added to the menu I ate lunch there today. Broccoli is not easy to cook so I was curious how it would be. My rating? at least a B and maybe B+.
    This is where Joanne comes in. She would be delighted with that option. Yes, at Culvers I was missing her, the presence of absence.

Takk for alt,

Al