Journal entry by Joanne Negstad — 24 minutes ago
Today, I was asked "You and Joanne had a good marriage, what made it work?" It's a good question isn't it? Was there a secret ingredient? Perhaps there is a recipe that could be shared? The best I could answer was that we shared our feelings. That answer prompted this follow-up question, "Who led the sharing of feelings?"
It wasn't easy to share feelings in our marriage, especially at first. There were long tortured conversations, sometimes long into the night during those first years. Neither of us were raised to be open about feelings. It wasn't natural for us. Joanne was more willing to talk...no surprise there. Likely, she led the sharing, but I do remember it wasn't always easy for her to own her concerns.
With practice, sharing became easier as patterns and pathways of communications developed. It is difficult to remain non-defensive, in a posture that really hears and understands what the other is saying. But learning to be non-defensive was an important part dealing helpfully with feelings. Sometimes. I would have to with-draw to think, to understand what I was feeling. Joanne, on the other hand, liked to come to her understanding by talking it out. It took awhile for us to learn how to accommodate these different styles.
Did we have a perfect marriage? Of course not. But we did have a good marriage, one that gives me deep satisfaction as I cherish the memories.
Blessings,
al
It wasn't easy to share feelings in our marriage, especially at first. There were long tortured conversations, sometimes long into the night during those first years. Neither of us were raised to be open about feelings. It wasn't natural for us. Joanne was more willing to talk...no surprise there. Likely, she led the sharing, but I do remember it wasn't always easy for her to own her concerns.
With practice, sharing became easier as patterns and pathways of communications developed. It is difficult to remain non-defensive, in a posture that really hears and understands what the other is saying. But learning to be non-defensive was an important part dealing helpfully with feelings. Sometimes. I would have to with-draw to think, to understand what I was feeling. Joanne, on the other hand, liked to come to her understanding by talking it out. It took awhile for us to learn how to accommodate these different styles.
Did we have a perfect marriage? Of course not. But we did have a good marriage, one that gives me deep satisfaction as I cherish the memories.
Blessings,
al
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