All Things Thai (Well Somethings Anyway)

     Sitting at dinner the other night there was an empty plate in my way to I put the plate from which I was eating on top of the empty plate. I WON'T DO THAT AGAIN.  It was a major faux pas.  It is bad luck to stack dishes from which you're eating, though, not a problem to stack dirty ones at the end of a meal.  Live and learn Thai customs.
     Another learning has been that when the host asks "Are you hungry?"  The best response is "Yes."  Very likely the host is hungry but it would not be polite to eat if the guest isn't going to.
 In Asian cultures 'saving face' is very important and that is very true in Thailand.  Often it is difficult to get a Thai person to offer an opinion.  "Would you like to go out to eat?"  as an example often elicits the response "Up to you."  I probably hear 'up to you' a dozen times a day at the house as avoiding a commitment also avoid the possibility that someone may lose face.  Having grown up in a passive family has helped me with this one, because I can often read the subtle clues and make the right choice.  In a similar way "Yes" often means "I think that's the answer you want."

    When friends and my home congregation sent me off with a very generous stipend to distribute to persons in need I was concerned that it might be so much that it would be difficult to handle..  I'm not equipped to do the social work that usually accompanies such relief efforts.  Part of my concern stemmed from the reality that most of the people I know could use much help.  I was fearful that they would be unable to see beyond their own needs and thus not guide me to others who need help.  This fear has been unfounded.
    In their very Thai way, i.e., in the context of relationships, they guide me to people in need.  This is how it works...listen in on our conversation
         Met is speaking "The people in the house (squatters shack) have no money."  Al "Doesn't he have a job?"  Met "Yes, but far away away and mini bus expensive."   Al "Should I help them?"  Met "Up to you."  Al "I would like to help them."  Met "OK."  Al "Should I give you the money?"  Met "No, no you give them."  Al "How much should I give them?"  Met "Up to you."   Al "How should I give it to them?"  Met "We go to their house."   Then Met lets them know we are coming and why.
     After we went to their house and I gave them the money Met asked me "How much did you give them?"   I said 3000 baht ($100.)  She said "Good, you jai dee" (you have a good heart.)  Of course I reminded her that it was from friends in America.
     Today Met told me about another family that are so poor that the monks at the temple are feeding them. Every morning the monks leave their temples to beg for food.  They collect much more than they can eat so the extra is distributed to those in need.  Therefore, no one in Thailand has to go hungry. This particular family, one with whom I'm acquainted, is struggling because he's injured and can't work...no paid sick leave here.  They also care for his invalid mother.  This evening we will make a visit so I can give them help.
     Thai culture is helpful in this process.  Receiving gifts from persons perceived to be of greater stature confers status on the recipient.  As an elderly, westerner I have stature and am presumed to be rich which adds even more stature. (I must have been a very good person in my former life to be so rich and powerful in this one,) This is why Met didn't want to distribute the money.  My presence and gift honors the recipient, and in their theology, they understand me to be "making merit" for the next life so by receiving my gift they are helping me,

The house, no electricity, no water.

The couple with their granddaughter,