18 months in.....

    On April 12, 2018, I awakened Joanne to give her her morning meds. When I asked "What's special about April 12?" she shrugged her shoulders. Three house later she died. My life divided into before and after.
    Now 18 months into life in the land of grief what's the assessment?  There have been many surprises and learnings. It quickly became apparent to me that I had to reach out to others, to fill my people needs, now that Joanne was no longer physically present. The balance between being with others and being alone feels good to me. Living with Joanne for 54 years taught me many things and I'm using many of those learnings to make life in the land of grief fulfilling. Joanne was the queen of "staying in touch" and I've taken that seriously and have worked to maintain relationships.
    One surprise to me is how significant I find her place of burial. Visiting family graves was not a part of my experience in my family of origin. Though we lived close to my grandparents graves we did not visit them regularly. When we moved back to Minnesota Joanne and I would assist her mother tending the family graves prior to Memorial Day. After her mother died we continued that practice. So it comes as a surprise to me how important I find it to go to her grave. But,  I do, though I can't fully articulate all of that significance.
    Eighteen months into life in land of grief and I'm fully engaged in life with a variety of meaningful outlets. Joanne didn't fully understand her influence on me and she'd be surprised and pleased with the life I've made in her absence. The raw, overwhelming, overpowering grief of the first weeks and months has become a constant empty place, more of a dull ache than a piercing pain.For example she loved fall and the cooler temps so as the weather changes it serves as a reminder of the presence of absence, and, all that I get to experience that she is missing.
    Driving back from The Little House today I passed the farm on which her father lived as a child. It would have been opportunity for her to tell her memories of that place. Perhaps those memories would have been repeats or I might have learned something new. Absence at that moment was part of the ache of loss.
    Life is good and I am richly blessed. Yet........

    Yes, folks, do ask your loved ones questions before it's too late.

Takk for alt,

Al

Joanne with her siblings and their spouses.