Practice in dying....

Three months were up, it was time for mom to go back to work and dad's paternity leave had been delayed. Grandma and Grandpa were called in to do child care. Leaving your baby for the first day of work is traumatic whenever it happens.
It reminded me of something I once read. I think it was by a Quaker by the name of Douglas Steere. He described such moments as leaving your baby when you go to work, taking your child to school for the first day, walking your daughter down the aisle on her wedding day, as 'practice in dying little deaths'. His larger point was that we never really have anything that we don't let go.
Fifty years ago I knew a mother who was determined not to let her son go. Enough time has now passed to see the unfortunate results of her unwillingness to relinquish control. Perhaps tragedy is too strong a word but at least unfortunate would be the description of a very bright person who never developed emotionally.
Family systems thought, of which I'm very fond, talks about letting go as 'differentiation'. That borrows from physical science the idea of cells differentiating from each other. In family systems the idea is that one differentiates, i.e., lets go, but stays in touch. Speaking personally I often find it easier to differentiate than stay in touch.
Some thirty years ago Thomas Gordon wrote a book, PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING. In it he introduced some basic interpersonal counseling techniques that parent's could use in raising their children. It is still worth reading. One of the ideas that proved very helpful to millions of parents was the concept of figuring out "Whose problem is it?" For example, if my child is unhappy at school whose problem is it? It is closely related to the idea of differentiation.
With all that said, let's stay in touch! :)