Grateful!

      Geraldine Brooks, memoir, Memorial Days, a fascinating read, left me feeling very grateful. Comparing our situations of the loss of our spouse was a helpful reminder of how fortunate I was. First was the age difference, Joanne dying at 82 vs. her husband Tony's death at 60. There were twenty two additional years living with Joanne. Then too the circumstances of death were very different. Tony collapsed and died on a sidewalk. Joanne was on home hospice for 21 days. Those 21 days were filled with outpourings of love via mail, phone, visits and email. Twice Grace Lutheran's comfort choir came to sing to her. The pastor made repeat visits and so did the hospice chaplain bringing her harp and singing. Her gradual demise allowed the family to surround her as she died. It was a good death.

    The estate planning we'd done with living trusts made the financial aftermath easy to navigate. Unlike Brooks, I'd managed finances so no transition was necessary. Brooks had to start from zero. Her death made no interruption in either my health care or credit cards, unlike Brooks experience. Fully retired I had the liberty to plunge fully into my grief. 

    Brooks makes three helpful suggestions. Have an estate plan! Yea and verily! because if you don't the State does. Likely that plan should include a trust.  Second: Write about your grief. Yes! Writing this blog did two valuable things for me. First. it forced me to conceive and articulate my feelings, not the easiest thing for a Scandinavian male, but there was healing in doing it.  Second, it brought a host of others with me in the grieving process. (If someone new happens to see this, scroll back to the postings in April 2018, to read what I wrote.) Third, she says to keep the deceased in your conversations. Definitely do this and don't succumb to the conspiracy of silence that surrounds the bereaved. It was helpful for me to ask others to tell Joanne stories. It taught me, and kept her memory alive. 

    This book was a good gift from MJV. It was an opportunity for gratitude, reminding me of how well Joanne's death happened and all the love and support we encountered.  Grateful, grateful, grateful!

Takk for alt,

Al

Joanne always put up all the pictures we received at Christmas, as you can see on the glass door behind her. This is a typical thoughtful pose.