Journal entry by Al Negstad — 1 hour ago
The 30, hour trip home was a bit taxing but I like to say "I can do anything for 30 hours", which is obviously untrue. 😁 What possessed me to accept an itinerary that included a 5, hour layover in Korea escapes me. May the lesson learned remain fresh in my memory for my next booking. Anyway I'm home, full of gratitude and still partly functional at 9:00 pm...perhaps when you read this blog you can pass judgement on how functional I am.
One of the wise friends with whom I'm blessed, made the observation that perhaps this sojourn in a foreign land, though not so foreign to me, was a 'vacation from grief.' That observation rang true when I first heard it and I think it accurately describes my experience. Joanne made one trip to SE Asia in 1997, when we passed through Bangkok coming and going but spent our time in Cambodia and Vietnam with L. Therefore, Thailand, and really much of SE Asia are "my space." Daily emails and frequent phone calls kept us in touch but the places I visited on this trip were not inhabited by a strong presence of absence. That's how I understand that I was on a vacation from grief.
Now I'm home where the presence of absence hovers over almost everything. Anticipating this return put me in touch with my grief and I shed a few tears on the plane, abetted by an emotional movies. (Excursus here: A trait I share with many introverts is finding movies too intense to be enjoyed, much to Joanne's disappointment. In her later years she began attending movies with friends so she could meet that need. Ironically I movie binge on transoceanic flights but, I have a method. There are many good Asian movies in the plane library, dubbed in English, which solves two problems. First, because of my hearing loss, functionally deaf some of my family claim, I can read instead of listen, Second, reading the script lowers the intensity, I don't hear screams, loud voices or mood music. Choosing movies that are funny or have significant human interest also helps, as I never choose violent ones or cliff-hangers. This reminds me of years ago, when we were living in North Dakota, I accompanied the youth group to see The Poseidon Adventure, about a ship that has capsized with people trapped inside. It was Sunday afternoon, not my best time while I was working, and the tension almost did me in. It wasn't until I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain, that I understood my disquiet in many movies...they are just too intense for me. Well this is a long excursus!)
So,how was it to come home? Not nearly as emotional as I feared. M met the plane and dropped me off at home, parked the car and met me for lunch at Penny's, across the street from my condo. While she was parking, I dropped off my bags, washed my face, brushed my teeth...after 30 hours of travel those two things alone are worth 2, hours of sleep...put on a long sleeved shirt and replaced my sandals with boots.
Two things, at least two things, were accomplished by this. The dreaded walking into a cold, empty condo for the first time was ameliorated by several small immediate tasks before meeting for lunch...the ice was broken, so to speak. In addition, over lunch I was able to share stories as well as process my feelings of grief. It was last fall, when I returned from Norway, I learned how important it is to me to have a chance to talk when I return from a trip, a need that Joanne fulfilled and I took for granted.
So now I should get some sleep. It's been a long time since I nagged you to talk to your 'significant other' about what's important to you, ask questions, and pay attention,
before it is too late.
Blessings,
Al
Pictures: All street sales, but notice in the last one how it narrows the walking space on the sidewalk.
One of the wise friends with whom I'm blessed, made the observation that perhaps this sojourn in a foreign land, though not so foreign to me, was a 'vacation from grief.' That observation rang true when I first heard it and I think it accurately describes my experience. Joanne made one trip to SE Asia in 1997, when we passed through Bangkok coming and going but spent our time in Cambodia and Vietnam with L. Therefore, Thailand, and really much of SE Asia are "my space." Daily emails and frequent phone calls kept us in touch but the places I visited on this trip were not inhabited by a strong presence of absence. That's how I understand that I was on a vacation from grief.
Now I'm home where the presence of absence hovers over almost everything. Anticipating this return put me in touch with my grief and I shed a few tears on the plane, abetted by an emotional movies. (Excursus here: A trait I share with many introverts is finding movies too intense to be enjoyed, much to Joanne's disappointment. In her later years she began attending movies with friends so she could meet that need. Ironically I movie binge on transoceanic flights but, I have a method. There are many good Asian movies in the plane library, dubbed in English, which solves two problems. First, because of my hearing loss, functionally deaf some of my family claim, I can read instead of listen, Second, reading the script lowers the intensity, I don't hear screams, loud voices or mood music. Choosing movies that are funny or have significant human interest also helps, as I never choose violent ones or cliff-hangers. This reminds me of years ago, when we were living in North Dakota, I accompanied the youth group to see The Poseidon Adventure, about a ship that has capsized with people trapped inside. It was Sunday afternoon, not my best time while I was working, and the tension almost did me in. It wasn't until I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain, that I understood my disquiet in many movies...they are just too intense for me. Well this is a long excursus!)
So,how was it to come home? Not nearly as emotional as I feared. M met the plane and dropped me off at home, parked the car and met me for lunch at Penny's, across the street from my condo. While she was parking, I dropped off my bags, washed my face, brushed my teeth...after 30 hours of travel those two things alone are worth 2, hours of sleep...put on a long sleeved shirt and replaced my sandals with boots.
Two things, at least two things, were accomplished by this. The dreaded walking into a cold, empty condo for the first time was ameliorated by several small immediate tasks before meeting for lunch...the ice was broken, so to speak. In addition, over lunch I was able to share stories as well as process my feelings of grief. It was last fall, when I returned from Norway, I learned how important it is to me to have a chance to talk when I return from a trip, a need that Joanne fulfilled and I took for granted.
So now I should get some sleep. It's been a long time since I nagged you to talk to your 'significant other' about what's important to you, ask questions, and pay attention,
before it is too late.
Blessings,
Al
Pictures: All street sales, but notice in the last one how it narrows the walking space on the sidewalk.
