When have I felt most alone and how did I handle it?
Loneliness is very interesting and not very well
understood in our world. Typically it is understood as something to be avoided
and as negative. It certainly can be painful and unpleasant, i.e., lonely 😊. But more properly understood it
should be embraced as one ‘leans into it’. A fully functioning, differentiated
adult will be lonely because he/she stands alone taking full responsibility for
his/her actions. It is lonely to be an adult. Often persons attempt to avoid
the discomfort of loneliness by fusing with another. This is an unhealthy,
dependent relationship. Many addictions may also be attempts to assuage
loneliness.
Perhaps I never felt more
alone than when I entered Marine Corps boot camp. My college experience
previous to boot camp had given me some experience being a bit away from home.
It was a huge jump from Sinai High School with its 30 students to South Dakota
State College with an enrollment of 3200. Of course I felt alone in many ways.
Dorm life was a very new experience but I was 20 miles from home and went home
every weekend. But, being in the Marines was whole new ballgame. There was the
reality of a three year enlistment commitment, a total mix of people and the
harsh discipline of boot camp far from home.
When I began my enlistment in
1959 I took a bus from Arlington, S.D., to Omaha, N.B., and then flew on a DC-6
to San Diego, C.A. There were several recruits on the plane and we were met at
the airport by a Marine who quickly began treating us ‘as’ recruits. “What have
I gotten myself into?” was perhaps foremost in my mind. Yes, I felt alone,
perhaps the most alone I had ever felt. There were other times in the Marines I
felt very alone but perhaps none as acutely as those first hours and days.
Gradually I adjusted to the
life of a Marine. My time in the service was greatly enriched by my friendship
with Ed. We were in the same platoon in boot camp so we were acquainted.
However, our friendship really developed on the twenty four hour bus ride to
Omaha after we graduated from boot camp. We finished boot camp on December 15.
With Christmas approaching we were given two weeks leave with orders to report
to Infantry Training Regiment (ITR) after we completed our break. Knowing each
other from boot camp we spent much time on the bus talking. We quickly learned
how much we had in common both having grown up on farms. Not only were we
together again in ITR we were assigned to the same rifle company afterwards. We
also worked in the same office and lived together in the barracks both in
California and Asia. My enlistment ended when we returned from Asia so I was
with Ed the entire time of my service. His continuing presence in my life beyond
the Marines, also enhanced by the friendship of his family, has been a great
gift and joy to me.
It seems I should have some
grand insight about the sources of my strength, some epiphany that lighted my
way. What ever it was, I have to try to reconstruct it based on my current self
understanding. A consultant with whom I worked for many years once told me that
I would be a good prisoner of war. Perhaps what he meant was that I have a
resilient inner core and as an introvert am content with my own company. Being
the youngest of four children likely taught me about standing up for myself. No
doubt the love, unspoken though it was, of my parents and family gave me that
inner strength I needed.
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